President Michael Gottfredson Modestly Says There’s No Need for University To Celebrate His President’s Day
(Originally February 17, 2014.)
Eugene, Ore. — Calling President’s Day “an embarrassing celebration of all of my hard work,” UO president Michael Gottfredson stated that there is no need for students and faculty to celebrate and request a day off from school in his honor.
Gottfredson explained that, while he appreciates the thoughtfulness that goes into asking for a day off on his account, it would be best if students and faculty use his day as another chance to live up to his successful work ethic.
“Students and faculty here have been constantly petitioning the university for a day off from school on my President’s Day, but they don’t need to do that for me,” Gottfredson said. “I’m fine with working on my day. It’s just another day, and I can’t think of a better way to acknowledge it than by doing the hard work that got me to where I am today. I hope students and faculty will use this day as an opportunity to follow my example and succeed.”
Though reports indicate that the university predominately respects Gottfredson’s wish for everyone to continue working on a day that other universities spend as another 24 hours to recover from hangovers, students and faculty have spoken out against the universities for disregarding Gottfredson’s words.
“I can’t believe some universities would deliberately ignore a man who has done so much,” senior history major Ashley Saiakera said.
Another student, who walked by as Saiakera issued her criticism, said, “Yeah, fuck that. I bet their presidents don’t even do shit.”
History professor George Adams added, “Yeah, I don’t care if it’s a free country — they can’t fucking do that.”
In response to the criticisms directed at the offending universities, Gottfredson humbly responded by issuing a statement to pardon the universities and inform them that the pardon is reliant on their compliance with not celebrating his Earth Day.