Stop Wasting Time Trying To Prevent Bike Theft

As you can see this method quickly and easily prepares your bike for a false sense of security. (© Daily Jade.)

(Originally posted on January 30, 2014.)

Trying to prevent bike theft is like talking with friends, eating food, and preserving a certain degree of hygiene — it takes away from precious homework and study time.

So what if UO is one of the top ten universities for bike theft, and that 169 bikes were reported as stolen last month in Eugene? Those weren’t your bikes. We know your parents bought them for you, and that they’re paying for your college education. So even if your bikes do get stolen — which they won’t, because our system is fool-proof — what’s a few hundred dollars more?

Saving time is all you need to worry about. And the best way to save time is by locking up a U-lock ahead of time at any place you travel to most, Then, when you get to your destination, simply slide the lock into the provided plastic holster (see photo) to secure your false sense of security. Proper use of this method is guaranteed to save you time between class and your professor’s office hours.

Our field test proved that this tip is the most ideal and practical setup. The bike seen in the photo was not stolen in the three days that this test was conducted.

Check out my future time-saving tips, such as skipping meals, holding your pee, and citing only Netflix videos in your research papers.