Student’s Entire Professional Wardrobe Consisting Of Ties He Finds On Doorknobs
(Originally posted on September 22, 2014.)
Eugene, Ore. — Numerous sources who wrapped their ties and other various garments around their rooms’ doorknobs to indicate the need for privacy have reported that the ties went missing the morning after they were hung. Additional sources claimed they were witnesses to the missing tie streak, having seen one college-aged man walk up to each of the doors and take the ties as they plugged their ears and rushed away from the doors.
“I’ve seen this guy around at, like, literally every dorm hall I’ve been to,“ Rebecca Fourmen, junior RA at Bean, said. “At first I was, like, ew, I can’t even believe he’d do that. But after awhile, it was kind of sexy.”
“Dorms, apartments, lofts, bathrooms at clubs and bars — he gets around, man,” next-door apartment neighbor and senior Todd Turdley said as he stroked and winked as his girlfriend. “I’m actually kind of jealous. I wish I had the balls to pull that off. It would just make me so much more confident for interviews and stuff, you know?”
One of Daily Jade’s correspondents, who was staked out at residences on and off campus and mistaken by many passerbys as the culprit in question, found freshman Zachary Leevis outside a dorm room in Hamilton’s Tingle Hall shouting, “Hey, so it’s chill that I take this?” and seemingly accepting the heavy breathing from inside the room as a “yes.” He accepted our interview request, saying, “Man, everyone here is so nice!”
When asked about the origin of his tie-taking trend, Leevis said it started with his roommate always leaving ties on the front doorknob of their apartment.
“I remember I was having a really good bonding sesh with my roomy and this girl he brought home for some reason, and I told them I needed a tie for a lab position I was going to interview for. Later that night, I found a tie wrapped around our apartment’s doorknob. He’s the best roomy ever.”
Leevis stated that after he took the tie and excitedly went out to find a place to practice for his interview, he saw more ties left outside his hall’s apartments and figured his roommate told the hall mates about his upcoming interview.
“I saw some bras and bikinis, too, and I was, like, ‘Okay, I don’t think I really need those, but if I’m desperate, I could use them as a belt or something, so thanks!’” Leevis said.
Following his interview, Leevis said he still occasionally saw ties outside on the doorknobs of residences on and off campuses. “Then it just hit me, like, maybe people here just do that when they don’t want certain ties anymore,” Leevis said. “I mean, I always ask the people inside to make sure, and they always say yes, so I’m pretty sure it’s like that.”
Leevis commented that he will use the ties and other various garments people kindly left out for him for additional interviews or for “picking up some chicks.”