Hey B, Where Do I Go from Here?
I’ve been changing so much recently I hardly recognize myself.

Hey B,
I’ve just read some of your stories and they are truly great.
Until recently I’ve put my life aside in order to help those I love. Last year I worked on myself…and realized that I have been choking myself.
But now my question is, how do you know when someone or something is right for you when you’ve been sleeping all your life? How do you overcome loneliness without getting choked again. How do you stop being afraid of being truly loved?
Thank you,
The One Who Always Asks
Dear Always Asks,
First, I’m touched that my stories resonate with you. Thanks for saying that.
It sounds like you’ve had some major insights in the past year. Things are shifting. You’re seeing the world, yourself, and your relationships to others differently than you did before.
It sounds like it’s scaring the shit out of you a little bit. This is entirely normal. With any sort of transformation, there comes a period of adjustment.
When I started to realize how much of my life I’d wasted letting anxiety lead the way, I had a lot of healing to do.
I felt remorse for how many times my own hurt had caused me to hurt others. Grief for missing out on so much fun and love and laughter over the years. Compassion for others who still take their anxiety seriously.
Plus, I had no idea what to do with my time. Having spent most of my life filling my mental space with anxiety, I didn’t know what to put in its place! It was like an old friend had died. This friend may have been toxic, but now that she was gone, I had a lot of free time on my hands.
Fortunately part of my insight around innate wisdom and wellbeing involved an understanding that I didn’t have to worry about such things.
Which brings me back to you. You don’t have to figure out the answers to your questions. At least not the little you — the one that “always asks.”
There is a bigger, healthier, more resilient version of you that you’re just starting to get to know.
That version of you has always been there, friend. I bet if you reflect back on times when you’ve wound up in toxic situations, you’ll hear a small voice warning you of danger. A voice you didn’t realize was worth listening to. But now you know! That’s all it takes.
Listening to that small voice is all it takes to answer all your questions.
You don’t need to fight the loneliness, because you’re not actually lonely. You just think you are.
And you don’t need to stop being afraid of true love. You just need to know that your fear is only fearful thinking, and nothing more.
You need not worry, for as you now know, worry has nothing useful to offer you.
The more you get to know this new you — the real you — the rest will take care of itself. Just keep looking in that direction.
Happy trails, my friend. You’re already well on your way to wonderful things.

