How to Be More Resilient

Once you see that that’s your nature, the rest takes care of itself

After realizing how resilient they are, clients usually ask, “So how do I implement this?” They want to know “how to integrate” their new understanding so they “don’t forget it.”

This line of questioning makes sense given how much self-improvement, therapy, coaching, habit-building, and spirituality rhetoric is based on techniques. Most of the wisdom out there prescribes steps, practices, and/or mantras to growth.

The assumption seems to be that getting better takes work, vigilance, and some sort of linear progression of time.

But the assumption under that is that there’s something that needs to be made better — that something’s somehow not okay the way it is.

If we’re innately broken, then we need to work to fix ourselves. But we’re not innately broken.

“No, no, we’re not innately broken!” is often the response I hear, and something like, “We’ve just been conditioned counter-productively for so long that we need to work to remember how to be whole.”

Fine, so then we’re not innately broken, just innately weak.

I have never met an innately weak human being. We are not weak. We are incredibly resilient.

And the moment we start looking in that direction — the direction of our own resilience — that’s when we stop feeling so broken.

All it takes is looking in that direction.

And so when my clients ask how to implement the resilience they’ve uncovered, I tell them some version of this:

There’s truly nothing you need to do.

Because though you may in moments forget your own resilience, once you’ve touched it — once you’ve experienced even the tiniest bit of conscious awareness of your innate, immutable wholeness — you never need to actively remind yourself again through any sort of practice, technique, or mantra.

I think you’ll find the more you try to convince yourself you’re whole, the more broken you’ll feel. Because only a broken person needs to pretend to be whole. A whole person is always whole, no matter how broken they feel.

I think you’ll find you just keep waking up to this thing more and more. After all, you can never fully forget something that’s true.

If you feel you must do something, look in the direction of your resilience. That’s where you’ll find you already have everything you need.


Brooke is a mentor, writer, and recovered worry wart. She helps fellow angsters get out of their heads and into their lives.