How to be okay, no matter what
Or, how to realize you already are
This story is a response to this response on my story about innate resilience.
Hi Ameya,
Thank you again for your thoughtful response, and for your patience as you waited for mine.
When I first read what you wrote, especially your statement that, “While the undercurrent of the article is pretty evident I would rather love to read some practical ways of achieving the level of confidence necessary to handle any given situation,” all I could think to say was this:
When you actually see that what I’m saying is self-evident, you won’t need practical ways anymore.
I waited to respond because I didn’t want you to think I was copping out of your question or dismissing the very real — and relatable — struggle your note highlights. I get this question and questions like it quite often. One of the first things folks do after I suggest that resilience is innate and immutable is say, “Okay great, now how do I get some?”
I’ve been there myself. If someone had told me back then, “There is no do. Only be.” or something yoda-ish like that, I would have said, “Right, but actually how?”
Despite the fact that I stand by the statement above, I’m going to try to expand on it and turn it into a bit more of a How.
The thing that gives us the confidence we seek, dear friend — the thing that lets us be fearlessly be touched by life — is not something we do. It’s something we see.
I cannot make you see it. To a degree, we see what we see when we’re ready, and for mysterious reasons that are well above my pay grade. Besides, when you see it it will look different than the way I see it, because neither of us is really seeing it. We’re seeing something that looks sort of like it. We’re visiting the space before symbols, where form meets formless. We’re returning from that space with the best symbols we can find to share our experience with others.
That space is the thing I’m talking about. You visited it in your note when you said, “the undercurrent of your article is pretty evident.” I take that to mean that the idea that we can handle anything in life — that we are innately resilient — that we were designed to experience life to the fullest — this idea is quite obvious to you. It rings true. It resonates. It’s a big duh moment to have someone reflect it back to you.
It looks to me like that’s all you need.
What if the idea that we need to use “some serious efforts” and have “practical ways” to “reach that feat” is all based on a misunderstanding? What if your belief that you need to work very hard in order to have an insight, discover truth, transform your life, become the person you’ve always wanted to be, live life fully, or be enlightened is nothing but a false assumption?
Again, I can’t make you believe me. Nor would I want to. All I can do is say I used to believe those things, too, and am grateful for a life after those beliefs.
But when you asked for practical ways, my suggestion is to ask yourself those questions, or whatever questions it would take to let go of the assumptions that are holding you back.
Why not realize your innate resilience right this very minute? Why not let it unfold? What if this is your a-ha moment? Right here? Right now?
It can’t hurt to ask.
How do you find confidence, then, my friend?
Look toward the possibility that you already have it.
I hope this helps. A version of it sure helped me.
