Hey B, How Can I Forget Him?

Am I stupid for still loving him this much?

Brooke Landberg
Jul 10, 2017 · 3 min read

Hey B,

There’s this guy. He seemed nice and very mature. I tried my best at getting his attention, we started talking for a while. Then after many months of flirting, late night talking, and many cups of coffee, he got distant. We don’t talk anymore, but I truly believe he liked me at the beginning, and now I can’t get him out of me.

All his friends know me, he’s all over my facebook and instagram… it feels like he’s everywhere except with me! He is there living his life and I’m just hurting here alone…

His father left them when he was 12 years old, he had a tough childhood, and he lies to hide his real emotions. But he is a man, a real one, with everyone except me lately.

My question is: B, do you think there is a reason that would explain why on Earth I can’t get him out of my system? Am I just too stupid for loving him this much?

#Help,
Crazy Confused


Hey Confused,

If you’re anything like me — and it sounds like you are — you’ve already tried googling your question. You’ve typed in things like, “how to get over him,” and, “why did he stop talking to me,” and, “I can’t stop thinking about him.” Despite the countless results — the blog posts, essays, poetry, advice columns, listicles, and videos — nothing helpful has come up yet, has it?

That’s because, dear friend, there are no satisfactory answers to your questions. Not on the internet. Not in your brain. Not in your friends’ brains. Nowhere.

There is no answer that will set you free. What you need is something much bigger and more beautiful than that.

Imagine for a moment that your mind is like a big blue sky. There are birds flying through this sky. Some are very ordinary, some are breathtakingly gorgeous, and SOME — some of these birds are hideous to look at. These ugly birds crow so terribly you have to cover your ears as they fly by.

Those birds represent our thoughts. Sometimes we have ordinary thoughts, like “Oh, here I am eating my breakfast,” or, “Time to change lanes to go around a parked car.” Other times our thoughts are beautiful, like when we admire a sunset, feel proud of an accomplishment, or receive affection from the guy we’re crushing on. What you’re having right now is a lot of painful thoughts — Why did he stop talking to me? Why didn’t he like me enough to be in a relationship with me? Why can’t I be cool/smart/beautiful/interesting enough for him to be mature enough to be with me? — a lot of ugly, noisy birds are flying through your big beautiful sky right now.

Now, what’s the best thing to do as these horrible birds fly by? Is it a good idea to pull an ugly bird out of the sky and examine it and ask it why it’s so ugly? Should you try to convince it to be prettier or sing better? This is what you do when you continue to worry about your thinking about this guy. When you continue to try to figure out why he stopped talking to you, or why you can’t stop thinking about him, you’re yanking that stupid bird out of the sky and trying to will it into changing.

But what would happen, dear friend, if you simply watched the bird fly by, knowing that a different bird will surely come along shortly? What if you don’t need to know why the bird is the way it is in order to move on? What if it’s okay to feel however you feel, and think whatever you think? And what if you’re about to feel and think something new all on your own, without figuring any of this stuff out?

You are so beautiful. Your heart is so big. You are so much more than your thoughts about this guy, your thoughts about yourself, or your thoughts about your thoughts.

You, my friend, you are the sky.

Love,
B


Have a question for B? Ask it here.

Brooke is a mentor, writer, and recovered worry wart. She helps fellow angsters get out of their heads and into their lives.

The Daily Lift

Grounded insights on living well — and loving well — in an unwell world.

Brooke Landberg

Written by

Working toward freedom.

The Daily Lift

Grounded insights on living well — and loving well — in an unwell world.

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