This Couple Changed My Life

One hour with them transformed my relationship to love, faith, and living in the now.

Brooke Landberg
Aug 29, 2017 · 9 min read
Shelley and Kirk Drake in their home in Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2015.

This interview was originally published on howlovelasts.com as part of the multimedia project my partner and I created about the glue that holds longterm relationships together.


When we knocked on Shelley and Kirk Drake’s front door, we were greeted with bright eyes, huge smiles, tight hugs, and the popping and crackling of a fire. They offered us a drink, some snacks, and their undivided attention. Their home was filled with vibrant color, cozy fabrics, eclectic art, and well-worn books.

We tried to engage in the usual pleasantries, and then dive right into the interview, but it was difficult to steer the conversation away from us. Shelley and Kirk were so earnestly interested in our project, our journey, our relationship, our histories. It is such a gift to be asked to share ourselves that it can be tough not to accept, but we had a job to do.

We gently steered the conversation to the matter of the interview. Daniel set up the recorder, while I snapped a few photos. Shelley and Kirk (both 60) held hands and locked eyes as they told us the basics.

Shelley and Kirk Drake have been married for fifteen years. They first met by chance, then formed a friendship. Shelley said she told Kirk that day,

They ultimately decided to share their lives with one another. Shelley told me,

Kirk said,

Both partners value growth and they try to live in the present. For Shelley, this comes largely from being a cancer patient: when she was 28 she was given nine months to live, and has been living with similar prognoses off and on for the past 32 years. Shelley said with a smile,

While Kirk and Shelley’s respective worldviews do overlap, they diverge in big ways. Kirk’s faith is philosophically derived from A Course in Miracles, while Shelley’s is Evangelical. These differences create what Shelley and Kirk deem a welcome tension.

Kirk told Daniel,

In my one-on-one conversation with Shelley, I asked her to talk about the work of their marriage. She said,

She shared another big example of this kind of work:

Kirk also spoke to Daniel about work, but his was the work of intimacy. Kirk said that when he and Shelley met,

Shelley did tell us that emotional intimacy has always come fairly easily for her. She also told us love has been her life’s goal, but that meeting Kirk shifted the focus of that goal. Shelley said,

She began to tear up as she spoke, having more difficulty as she said,

At the end of my one-on-one interview with Shelley, I asked her to share any advice she might have for me, and other young women near the beginnings of their journeys with partnership.

She gave me four pieces of advice; I’ve excerpted them here:

I conclude with one final story from my conversation with Shelley, a story that reveals some of the wholeness she found before meeting Kirk.


You can read more interviews like this one at howlovelasts.com

The Daily Lift

Grounded insights on living well — and loving well — in an unwell world.

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Brooke Landberg

Written by

Working toward freedom.

The Daily Lift

Grounded insights on living well — and loving well — in an unwell world.

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