We get over things more quickly than we think we do
We just have to let it happen.
How long do you think it takes to move to the next moment?
Let’s say you’re working hard in a state of flow on a creative project and you get interrupted. How long do you think it takes – once the interruption ends – to get back into what you were doing?
When you wake up in a crappy mood, how long do you imagine it will take to feel better?
How much time do you allot after a big difficult transition – a job change, a new city, a breakup, a death – to be more like yourself again?
Whatever that time is for you for any of those examples… I wonder… what if your idea of how long it takes is the only thing that makes it take so long? What if you’re actually designed to move on much more quickly than that?
Here’s an experiment for you – one that I myself play with whenever I find myself assigning ETA’s to psychological transformations: The next time you notice you expect yourself to change, heal, grow, or bounce back after a certain time, try cutting that time in half. For example, if you think it takes 10 minutes to cool down from a fight you just had with your partner, ask yourself, “what if it only takes 5 minutes?”
This trick can be useful at the beginning when our intellects are still running the show and telling us things like, “well, that’s how long it took last time, so let’s just be reasonable,” and, “but I read in a study once that it takes at least that long to recover from trauma.” Ultimately, though, this is just a trick – another made-up story. Truly, any assigned length of time for healing is a made-up story, and the more we see that, the more those stories fade away, and the quicker we seem to heal.
In my experience, the length of time I expect transformation to take is a self-fulfilling prophecy. So is the belief that I was born for insightful transformation.
Look in that direction, my friend. Tell me what you find.