Considering the ‘duct tape protocol’
In approaching a sporting event of the scale of the BC Bike Race, or any multi-day endurance stage race, or maybe any outing past the house gate, it is important to have a practiced physical preparedness and studied mental framework conducive to successfully overcoming any possible challenges. Professional designations bring authority, how-to books and wiki-how websites bring convenience, and high dollar ‘experts’ willing to dole knowledge for dollars brings peace of mind. But to truly dominate the complexity of life’s manifest slights against our best intentions there is only one true solution: Duct tape.
Duct tape, sometimes duck tape (or Duck Tape™ if you want to be festooned with cartoons) is the embodiment of the better side of North America’s can-do attitude to achieve the impossible with limited resources. Proper application usually requires it is used with or immediately prior to ingestion of a beer (or a fine malt liquor such ask Lucky or O’Keefe Extra Old Stock around these parts). If you have a problem duct tape can probably get you out of it.
There is a poetic irony that duct tape is not suitable to use on actual ducts, due to low melting point and zero fire resistance. I don’t dare to YouTube ‘duct tape + fire’ for fear of seeing what willing experiments have been concocted to prove this point. It also has nothing to do with ducks, though early versions may have used ‘duck cloth’ as the fabric backing. But duct tape is not phased by these inconsistencies. It sticks on. There’s one thing we know for sure: Our grandfathers used duct tape (c.1945+), our fathers used duct tape, we use duct tape, and we teach our children to use duct tape. Each generation reinventing the potential for transcendent rebirth of everyday objects though creative taping under the constant threat of spectacular failure due to dubious execution.
Now on to our particular mission here to overcome “extremely limited time to motivate an exhausted spirit to mobilize a frequently stiff and sore body.” Sound familiar? It probably does because we are all busy, sore, and tired on more days than not. Duct tape may be just what you need to fix a blown tire sidewall or trail-repair a crack in that $3k carbon frame.
Of course, duct tape is also just a handy metaphor to remind us the doing is more important than the planning, we don’t always need the most expensive solutions, and having fun is what it’s all about. Once you apply duct tape to any object it can never be taken seriously again.
A protocol for mastering preparation and execution of multi-day stage bicycle races
The duct tape protocol:
- have a vision
- respect the environment
- respect the community
- resourcefully fulfill your vision
- have fun
That’s it. You can also take this list in reverse order and just have fun. We employ the acronym HRRRH (pronounce however you wish; pirate accent may help) in palindrome to facilitate having fun at both the beginning and/or end of successful application of the protocol.
live it up.
