I googled “I hate gratitude”
By March, I wasn’t happy writing them
Not because they took time or they were insincere or because I’m a super negative person.
It didn’t feel healthy filling up a journal with pure gratitude every morning.
I had thoughts like,
“How lovely I have a roof, parents and education”
floating in my head, when at age 22, something like:
“My education must get my parents a better roof”
should’ve been floating around.
Daily gratitude was numbing this drive.
And I missed sulking. Being upset over something I’ve lacked so far has led me to a better career, better relationships and better habits in me.
So I called gratitude off.
I don’t know where that journal is now.
Gratitude in itself was not so bad
I knew how good it felt writing them last Jan.
People told me DRG was great too. One person had already expressed interest in doing it this year (Aadithya Vishwanath).
I had to be missing something to grow disliking it— an angle or an insight or some limit to which I should feel grateful, beyond which it’s derailing.
I tried solving this for a while, got stressed out, and naturally googled it.
“I hate gratitude”
The phrase was autocompleted! The feeling was out there. Top 6 results were bang on.
One even diagnosed my exact feeling of —
“I hate gratitude, but I know deep in me it’s necessary.”
It’s cognitive dissonance.
I’ve read plenty about cognitive dissonance. Only now can I tell the feeling.
Holding two contradictory core beliefs at the same time and trying to make sense of what I should do, left me hurting my head.
The caveat with gratitude is balance
Perspective from two search results.
Result 1:
“There’s a dark side to the gratitude movement…and it’s how gratitude can often give rise to guilt and self recrimination.
All of a sudden people are fearful of admitting they aren’t satisfied with what they have.
They feel like there’s something wrong with them if they can’t look on the bright side, put a smile on their face and pretend everything is awesome even when their life isn’t anything like as they want it to be.
I am seeing this again and again with clients who feel like they ought to be grateful for having a job that pays their bills, even if they hate it, dread the thought of getting up every morning and are plotting to drop some acid in their bosses coffee just to inject some excitement into their day.
It’s easy for people to tell you to be grateful. But they aren’t living your life.
Only you truly know what that is like and whether elements deserve your thanks and appreciation, or your determination to change them.”
After this clear diagnosis, now the suggestion.
Result 2:
“If you’re going to keep a gratitude journal — go for it. Enjoy it! BUT, ONLY record things you TRULY feel grateful for.
Don’t FORCE yourself to be grateful for something that you’re not. Because this is a sure-fire path to in-authenticity and unhappiness.
You’ll know when you feel TRULY grateful because you’ll feel light and spacious and wonderful inside — even joyful. And THAT’S what we want.
And if like me, you struggle with a gratitude journal, I would recommend starting each entry with a list of things you’re unhappy or really bummed about.
Then once it’s acknowledged and out of your system, move onto the grateful part.”
Daily Riyaaz Gratitude, 2017
Everyday this Jan,
- Write 1 thing you’re unhappy or bummed about (Optional).
- Write 1 thing you are genuinely grateful for (Optional).
That’s it. You don’t have to write if you’re not comfortable with it.
But I recommend you do, and that you understand the thought behind:
To let out of your system what’s been bugging you, so you may find mental space and cultivate gratefulness toward things you’ve been gifted with.
As I turned a year older last year, trying out gratitude had been the most significant personal change in me in 2016.
I’ll turn a year older this New Year.
I’m gonna do this to get my balance of ambition and gratitude right in life.
I hope you find a reason to write this year too.
The time can be made.
Last DRG was clearly harder than this one.
And still look at all that we wrote.
P.S. I won’t be sharing any of our writing in social media.
It feels like a warmer space that way.
