New Year’s and new beginnings..
Every strong hero needs a story arc of failures and gradual rediscovery. What follows is a selection of incidents that wrecked me as well as made me.
March 2016. I came to the realization that my job was not giving me as much satisfaction as it gave me money. I didn’t know what would give me the satisfaction. When you quit a job, two things follow. One, you feel more alive than ever. Two, the existential dread of the future slowly chills your spine.
Fadeout: “Hello Darkness, My old friend.. I’ve come to talk with you again..”
Timelapse: Phases of introspection, depression, resistance to social control in the form of goading, ridicule and rebukes from friends and family. Insert: 5 months later..
August 2016. Prelims, Civil Services Examination 2016. I was convinced I would be happy doing a job that led to even a minuscule amount of societal change. Civil Services was at the top of the ladder for a common man aiming to create social change. I appeared for the exam after encouraging myself that 4 months of shoddy preparation in a not so conducive environment would help. The philosophical atheist went to temples to garner some luck. Alas. Reality renders a cold blow to the unprepared.
Fadeout: Hello Darkness, My old friend… I’ve come to talk with you again.. Insert: 2 Months later..
November 2016. The realist in me woke up. Knocked my dumb head into arranging backups, and backups to backups. Happiness started to glimmer at the end of the tunnel. The chill in my spine started to fade away as I began planning a feasible strategy for the future.
December 2016. I patted myself on the back for successfully planning a proper future. Bouts of hard work kept the unproductive depression at bay. But, the antagonist to the story, Reality has a mean way of pointing and laughing. My relationship shattered to smithereens, and the shrapnel deeply lacerated my heart.
As I write, I am not bummed out anymore. Looking back , I was far worse and far too gone into an abyss. I’m wiser now. Metaphorically so to say. The universe will right itself, come what may. I am grateful that the world spins. And that time heals all. At least I hope it does. I learnt that all one needs to do is follow along the ebbs and flows of spacetime, and you’ll be alright.
