The eighth round…
In the year 2002, I participated in a TN State Chess tournament for U-9 category held at Tiruppur. That was my first state tournament. There were totally 11 rounds. A Win in a round gets you 1 point, a Draw gets you 0.5 point, and a Loss gets you 0 point. No…there is no negative marking here. Thank god.
Too much expectations from parents, too much pressure from the ‘inside’.
I along with 4 others had got 5 out of 7, with 4 more rounds remaining. 3 others were ahead of us.
But there were hundreds of players behind me, but nobody cares isn’t it. Even if 1000 players would have had less points than I did, nobody would have cared. We always keep comparing ourselves with someone better, be it salary, wealth, looks, marks, rank, etc, and we …., but when our parents/relatives/girl friend/boy friend/etc compares us with someone better, be it salary, wealth, looks, marks, rank, etc, we …. I will leave that to you. You may feel free to complete it. I have got no time.
I knew my opponent the previous night of my eighth round. And this guy was the previous year’s hero.
The tournament committee used to publish the games played by all players, after every round. My dad’s friend and I used it to analyze the previous matches played by my opponent. No you got it wrong. This isn’t about a gratitude to my dad’s friend. You may keep reading.
I had to play with white pieces, so we analyzed all his games where he played with black pieces. We understood his flaws and we came up with the strategy. It was already 2 pm. I was asked to go sleep. My dad and his friend went out for a smoke.
And then it happened…
On the way to my bed, I had too many doubts and fears. What if I lose; What if I win, and loose the final three rounds with much tougher opponents; What if I don’t win, how would my parents react, they have traveled a lot for this tournament, etc. I finally felt an immense pressure from the ‘inside’, and I went out to the streets. I saw my dad talking to his friend. I called him aside and asked him, “why did you want me to become a chess player?” He was in a shock. He asked me why did I ask him this question and that too at around 2 pm. I just told him I wanted to know. He told me, I may get hurt if I play an outdoor sport, and since I was his only child, he wouldn’t bear to see me get hurt. Somehow this wasn’t convincing at all. But he definitely knew something had happened to me psychologically.
The next day, I drew my eighth round. As in, each player gets half point. My dad asked my opponent, what had happened. He replied, “your son had an advantage, he could have won me easily. Don’t know why he had played for a draw, and not for a win”.
I had 5.5 points out of 8. And I had 5.5 points out of 11. Yes, I had lost all my other rounds. The guy who got the tenth prize had got 6 points out of 11. If only, I would have won my eighth round, and even if I had lost the other rounds, I would have atleast got the 10th prize.
If only I would have stayed positive,
If only I would have believed myself,
If only I would have been calm and focused,
I would have won that eighth round, which I shall always regret playing for a draw.
