year 2016, week 31.
I am feeling much better after this past weekend. Saturday morning after my daughter had her fill of cartoons we grabbed some water and my camera and set out for a hike. We had a pretty intense storm on Friday evening and I took her down to the big arroyo behind our house to see what we could find.
Rocks, sand, sage. She ran around collecting rocks and exploring. I put the camera to my eye and captured some interesting perspectives. It was like stepping out of a smoky bar and breathing oxygen for the first time. If you can remember what that was like.
I don’t know why I default to black and white when editing landscapes. I think it has something to do with the way the colors distract me from the textures. I need to just work through some color versions and really commit to it for a while. The shades of green in the sage against the browns of the still moist dirt and uniquely blue New Mexico sky (which is almost turquoise really) has been captured a thousand ways. I want to find my version of it.
I hit publish on Medium and share to Twitter. Yet only get a few views on the last two Daily, Weekly. posts. But as I said in the beginning this is for me so I need to stop even looking at the stats.
There is something dark and unnerving about walking into the darkness that is my mind alone. I often act like I can do it. Walk alone. Then the fear rushes over and I turn around. Find a hand to hold. But not this time. I walk forward and don’t even reach for my flashlight.
Albuquerque is my adulthood home. I identify as being from here when people ask. But really I am from Placitas, NM which is a little village tucked on the north side of the Sandia Mountains about an hour or so north of Albuquerque. That is where I spent the majority of my childhood. I remember it fondly but when I visit it the nostalgia is not there. It is interesting to have that feeling dissolve. My memories are pretty grand. But I was a kid and we lived in a very rural setting. I could hike for hours in one direction and see only people I knew (if any people). I could ride a horse onto the neighbors property with no worries. Except for that one guy, you know him. He lives at the end of the road with a big gate and would actually shoot in your direction if he saw you.
I remember playing football with the other boys in the valley we lived in. Especially after it rained really hard. We would all meet on the main road, which after the rain was a slimy mess. We would also have bb gun wars and play capture the flag.
But I also remember how isolated it was. Friends rarely came to visit and even though we were family we also needed time away from each other. One thing I used to love to do was climb on the roof and watch the monsoon storms roll across the landscape. Listen to the thunder call from the darken skies.
It is monsoon season again. The skies are dark by late afternoon. And the thunder calls.
Man what a day! Days like today that just drain you of all your energy and it insanely hard to keep going. So much work piled up.
What I need to do is work on finding the real root of Albuquerque. The principles of who we are in this city right now. It is hard to figure out what we really are because there are so many moving parts and we’re just not talking to each other here in the city
How do I find time to just the throw myself into my passion? Life just keeps getting in the way and to actually accomplish what I want to work on it would require so much time and effort. That is just so hard to actually do with the day-to-day job.
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