year 2017, week 15.
A frustrated teen splitting his time between the city and rural life.
Monday.
1996
I can’t say I don’t blame them. I do. They fucked up my world. But deep down I know their world is all fucked as well. But what about me? What about my plans? What do I do with this new reality?
I am in my last year of Middle School. Now I am at a whole new school. In the big city of Albuquerque. All my friends are back in little ol’ Bernalillo. This sucks. They have a band class. It seems okay. Computer class is worth it. After a few months I should get the hang of all of this. I hope.
My dad is trying to keep shit together for me. From our little oasis in Placitas to this little one room studio apartment near the Big I. He relies on me to pull my weight. To do my chores. But instead of feed the horses or cut wood I have to go to the grocery store alone. On foot.
I need a new bike. My old piece of shit Huffy mountain bike can’t hang in the city.
Tuesday.
1997
I can’t go back home. I don’t even know if I want to try. Home is that place up in the mountains that holds too many memories. I have to move forward. A new place with my mom and sister. On to high school. A new path to find. Keep my head down so the bullies don’t see me. I missed a year with my friends but it seems like longer.
I am looking for myself in all of this chaos too. Band or baseball? Drama class or computer class? All in parts. Nothing as a whole. But drafting feels familiar. There is a sense of what my dad and grandpa used to do.
I get to spend every other weekend back in the city. Away from the small town which seems much smaller now.
Wednesday.
1998
Another year, another high school. It doesn’t really matter much anymore. Normal is now this. A summer spent nursing a broken collar bone has introduced me to skateboarding. Makes sense right? No more BMX. Skate or die.
I find a refreshing motivation with my skateboard in Albuquerque. New friends. A common interest. One that isn’t destructive even though every security guard in town treats us like criminals. We enjoy harassing them as much as we like to actually skate.
Thursday.
1999
I finally found a way to not give a fuck about shallow peers and to stay focused on me. Stay focused on getting good grades, good music, and skating.
So I do.
Life can stay weird, crazy, abnormal. When it figures itself out, I will be here ready. For now I just navigate it all.
Fast food job to pay for my car, gas, and skateboards.
Friday.
2000
My dad just stopped by on his way out of town. He is moving back to his hometown in northern Minnesota 3,000 miles away. UHaul trailer hooked up to his door door POS car. I gave him some free chicken (courtesy of KFC) and a hug.
I hope he makes it with that shitty as car. When I make the move to join him at the end of the summer I am taking a plane. I know my car won’t make it.
I will board that plane with a ton of apprehension. Living in Albuquerque was a shock. But rural Minnesota? I will get to rely on family though. Grandparents, cousins, etc. All of whom I never had in my day to day. Plus I’ll get to take college courses since I only have a few high school courses left.
All positive. I’ll ignore the negative for now. Push it all aside. Push forward with me.
