SEE YOU AT THE BOOK SIGNING

Do Book Projects Need X-Factor?

Announcing my self-selection for the DEP Book Project

I Will Write Like I Have Not Written Before — Photo by digitalartstudiospr | Pixabay

My Lady,

Curtsy!

Did any of the other applicants for your book project do that? No, right? Right.

I haven’t even started, and I already have five brownie points. Yay me!

I spent a lot of time — a whole one second — thinking how I want to write my application.

After all the brainstorming, I concluded I don’t need to justify my candidacy. Why?

You already know I am the X-factor this book needs. This concludes my formal(ity) application.

But I want to start contributing for our book right away. So, I shall keep writing.

I reviewed all the other applicants and leaving my much-coveted reviews below.

This should help you select my co-authors for our book.

In no particular order that may be a reflection of my not-so-intentional intentional favoritism.

Jo An Fox-Wright Maddox

I didn’t read her application. I don’t need to. I know it would be good.

Would we get a better editor for our book than a retired English professor? That too, for free!

That, and I love her. She is the best(est). 🤗

Alan Simpson

His start was off-putting because he didn’t even want to write his application. But then he did. To be or not to be.

Would he be a good fit for our book? The man can write, I tell you.

That, and he doesn’t beat around the cat’s tail. 🐈

Art Bram

The dude can write an application. But his dancing skills, from that photo, I am not so sure.

Should we have someone with Art in his name to write in our book? The dude can go all Picasso on us.

That, and he watches Hallmark movies. With his wife. 🙄

Tamil

She quoted Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, and Paul Coelho to make her case. Quite intimidating, huh?!

Should we consider a runner for our book? She may, you know…., with all the royalty.

That, and she is a plagiarist who uses jokes from her daughter and doesn’t even pay her. Geez! 🤢

Cypriano Mokobia

A well-researched application. He read all the mindfulness and meditation books in the market —a subject so close to my lady’s heart. Wicked!

Does our book need someone so mindful that he forgot to even mention why he wants to be part of the project? True, he submitted a follow-up application but still….

That, and nobody, but me, uses flattery to score brownie points with my lady. 👺

Yana Bostongirl

I don’t know why she even applied. She is a clap burglar who robs all the claps within minutes of publishing her story.

Do we need a “medium” celebrity for our book? We already have me — a top clown.

That, and she would steal my mojo. We can’t have that. 😤

Trista Signe Ainsworth

She applied with a photo of green strawberries. As if we don’t know they are supposed to be blue. Her strawberries don’t even have straws.

Would she feed us if we take her in our book? I mean all she ever does is tease us with photo of her good-looking food but never sends us a bite.

That, and she is so positive when I read her posts on my iPhone, it gets 100% charged. Imagine! 🤯

Anjali Joshi

She compared herself to a cocooned duckling in caterpillar stage that is still in metamorphosis. Woah! fancy English.

Could Jo An use another English major apprentice for editing our book? Sure, more the merrier.

That, and she is my co-editor at The Memoirist. Not that I play favorites. 🤫

Dr. Preeti Singh

I would understand if my lady would want to show a professional courtesy to a fellow doctor by ignoring her application to avoid cat fights.

Does our book need someone who buys ticket for one movie show and watches a different one? She then flaunts her credentials to score a VIP treatment from cinema hall administrators.

That, and she is from my hometown, Delhi. We don’t want any negative publicity for the book on account of nepotism. 🤷‍♂️

Purbita Chakraborty

Wow! An alien application. She said universe isn’t made of atoms but stories. I think she needs a sit down with a not-so-pleased Mr. Einstein.

Do we need a globetrotter for our book? By the time I move from my living room to my bedroom, she hops borders all over Europe.

That, and she and her daughter laugh on my stories in exchange for only fifty claps — family entertainment in price of one. Typical Indian. 😈

Pene Hodge

She claimed she wants to write words to till the fertile ground of reader’s imagination. Ha! Anybody can do that. Can she till my barren imagination?

Do we want another brilliant writer like me for our book? Meh!

That, and she her superior intellect, like mine, can make the other kids feel out of place. 😳

Rane Kelze

Houston, we have a problem. They (without being pronoun presumptive) claim what ifs are their favorites. I don’t want a showdown, but nobody beats me at what ifs game. I am the what ifs Guinness Book of World Record holder.

Should we use a mystery person for our book?

That, and we can’t have two swords in one scabbard. 🤺

Umme Salma

In her non-cliché application, she references the unity story I have heard only a bazillion times.

Do we need someone who believes in fairy tales for our book? We will need to buy a lot of barbie dolls.

That, and she believes her 500 Medium followers (auto bots) are her support system. 🤦‍♂️

Libby Shively McAvoy

Ooh, the photo in her application. I couldn’t take my eyes off. The Monument Valley looks gorgeous as ever.

Should we risk taking a supermodel who can levitate on her hands for our book? She would make all the heads turn towards her.

That, and she would make us do all that yoga shoga bullshlacka. 🧘‍♂️

Monoreena Acharjee Majumdar

Wait, she applied too? But she is a poetess (of the century). The girl puts pen on the paper, and her words puts it on fire.

Why would we want an overly overqualified poetess for our book?

That, and we don’t plan to have any poems in this book. Right? 🥶

Bingz Huang

I like the way she showed-off all her already published books in her application. The writers tend to be shameless self-promoters.

Should we onboard an accomplished author for our book? She is smart to handpick the best reviews on her books and left the nasty ones out.

That, and she is from Singapore who will sing a lot and I won’t have time for head massages. 💆‍♂️

Sally Prag

Aha! The self-acclaimed spelling bee who spelled ‘sensitized’ as ‘sensitised’ in her application.

Do we really want to deal with her ‘theatre’ when Jo An corrects her ancient spelling in our book?

That, and she stole my Namaste. Thief. 👿

Woof! That was a long list. I apologize if any applicants missed my infamous review.

If I did, it was purely intentional. They were probably very good. I want no competition.

I am hoping my lady forgets about them.

My Bio That Would Appear on “Our” Book — Author’s Bio

This is one of the wittiest stories you could read on Medium. Adelina Vasile, peeps.

Subscribe to get an email whenever I publish. It won’t cost you a dime. Become a Medium member to unlock unlimited stories from thousands of authors.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store