How Pressure Can Lead to Poor Judgments
In response to DEP June relationship prompt
“Sometimes in life, you will make mistakes. And when you think back on those mistakes, you may feel embarrassed. That’s a normal feeling. Nobody is perfect and we all make our fair share of mistakes in life.” — James Clear.
Even if we feel embarrassed by our mistakes, we must make an effort and take responsibility to correct them, or we will make more mistakes.
Just last week, the behaviour of a very close friend and neighbour reminded me of this quote by James Clear.
My longtime friend and neighbor, Indu, recently hired a young lady named Sunita from Jharkhand, a different state in India, to assist with domestic chores. In our building, there is a fixed hourly rate for domestic help, and Indu agreed to pay Sunita for three hours of work.
Sunita is efficient and completes her tasks in two and a half hours. She is always willing to do extra work and never refuses any task.
However, Indu insisted that if Sunita finishes her work early, she should sit idle but only leave after completing three hours of work, which seemed unreasonable from Sunita’s perspective.
Sunita began asking my friend if she could leave after two and a half hours so that she could work in another household and earn extra income. She had come to Bangalore from Jharkhand with her husband, who was employed there. Unable to find work in her hometown, she left her two-year-old child with her parents and sent money back home to support them financially. She was in need of money.
My friend Indu was adamant and refused to accept Sunita’s suggestion. Although she liked the quality of Sunita’s work, she wanted her to follow her instructions.
Indu even threatened to complain about Sunita to the building security if she took up another job, which would have stopped her from entering the building. This scared Sunita because she would become jobless.
Sunita called me one evening, crying, and narrated what had happened and requested that I speak to Indu.
I talked to Indu about it, but she refused to accept my suggestions.
Indu has faced significant challenges. For the past twelve years, she has been the main caregiver for her husband, who has dementia. Despite having a full-time caretaker, she is constantly under stress and was diagnosed with lung cancer after having COVID.
Although she is now cancer-free, her life is still very stressful. Under pressure, she sometimes acts unreasonably. She is a kind and resourceful person and is well-liked by everyone in the building, but occasionally she can make mistakes.
In the case of Sunita, she refused to apologize. Sunita decided to leave Indu’s job. Indu had to take on the additional burden of looking for another domestic helper, increasing her workload and stress level.
Instead of acknowledging or addressing the issue calmly, Indu started getting defensive and blamed Sunita for her troubles.
The entire episode snowballed into a mess because Sunita stopped coming to work, and Indu had to do all the heavy lifting of household chores.
Takeaway
Refusing to apologize for our mistakes can have far-reaching consequences.
Indu’s unwillingness to empathize with Sunita and acknowledge her mistake led to increased stress and additional workload for herself.
This situation illustrates the importance of humility and understanding in maintaining healthy relationships and a stress-free environment.
Apologizing, even when it feels uncomfortable, can prevent minor issues from escalating and promote a more harmonious life.
Thank you Libby Shively McAvoy for the June Relationship prompt.
Here are articles from DEP that I enjoyed reading
Wayne Shi beautiful description of their 11th wedding anniversary
Buddhi Ruparathna story about self-love
✍ — Published by Dr. Gabriella Korosi, at Dancing Elephants Press. Click here for submission guidelines.
