On Choosing Happiness
Yes, it is a choice, and it’s yours to make!
One of the major milestones in my mindfulness journey has been the realisation that my thoughts do not have to control me. My feelings and actions are also within my control. The longer I practice, the more I experience what everyone talks about- that space between the situation and how I react to it. The ability to respond rather than react. The situation can be a thought, a feeling, what someone said, or where I am. Whatever it is, there is an opportunity, a choice, as to how I react.
How does it feel?
With this realisation comes power. Suddenly, I am not the victim of my environment, but the main player. I am in charge. There is a liberation that comes with this. It is also a great act of kindness to myself- because I see that whatever I suffer through is also a choice. And why should I make myself suffer? It is not about harshly controlling my thoughts, feelings, or environment. It is more to do with not allowing them to unleash my automatic, basic reactions and instead taking the gentler, wiser approach of learning, being kind, and moving on.
From surviving to living
At our core, we are programmed to survive. The more selfish, fearful, and suspicious we were, the more chance we had of making it out alive- in the Stone Age. We are designed to never be satisfied, to always want more, and to believe that happiness is somewhere else- either in the past or future. We think will be happy when we finally find the right person, get the right job or live in the right place. That is what keeps us going- or at least that is what biology intended.
Fortunately, we have progressed since then. Many of us are blessed enough that we no longer need to operate based on survival. And so we can learn to unlearn our original programming and manage our internal narratives to suit the world we actually live in today. We have the gifts of awareness and choice, to see the reality of life- that in our day-to-day experiences we are not under constant threat, that people can be good and kind, and that good things can happen.
Building the happiness muscle
Of course, we all have moments when it is perfectly acceptable to feel sad, angry, afraid, or disappointed. We are allowed to feel these moments fully, and let them pass. It may be necessary to act on these feelings in a healthy manner. However, many of us spend the majority of our days feeling some sort of discontent, that something is missing, that things could somehow be better. It is in these moments, which can build to make up most of our lives, that we can choose to be happy. We know that the grass will always be greener on the other side. We know that the ‘what if’ and ‘should have’ stories in our heads are just those- stories. We also know that good things can happen. But we forget.
And so in those moments of general unrest, we can build the happiness muscle. Some people are born with a more positive affect, or maybe they have been luckier in life. What is more likely, and far more powerful, is that some people choose to have a positive perception of their past, present, and future. Their stories are viewed through the lens of benevolence and gratitude, and there is optimism about the future.
The truly amazing thing about choice is that it is something we can practice. The more we cultivate an attitude of happiness in the present moment, the easier it will come to us. The lens changes from a foggy grey to a warm rosy hue. It’s not about fooling ourselves that everything is okay when it’s not. Bad things happen, that’s life. However, there’s no harm in making the best of things and seeing the best in others.
Why not be grateful? Why not be hopeful? Why not celebrate the small things, the precious moments? Life passes by quicker than we realise, and we are all on this journey together. We might as well enjoy the ride!
___________________________________________________________________
If you enjoyed reading this, feel free to subscribe here for more stories :)
___________________________________________________________________
