Wondering About You: A Poem
Even after two decades, you still cross my mind sometimes
I’ve been wondering if you were the right person for me since the day you left. When I looked at you, I realized what love is. I didn’t need you to tell me you loved me; I knew. Our eyes spoke in a manner that words could never match. Perhaps we were both too terrified of what would happen if we tried to use those words to make sense of everything that was going on between us. Or perhaps we both believed that if we never expressed how we truly felt, we could continue to pretend that what we had was meaningless. We could keep pretending that what we had was only for fun.
With you, love resembled sharing a cup of coffee on a chilly April evening. We always had to adjust to one another again, but once that comfort returned, it was like returning home after a long holiday away. We had awkward silences and couldn’t decide whether to kiss, hug, or wave timidly at each other, but you always came back to me. There were words that remained unspoken, murmured into the blackness of the coffee we shared; perhaps we both hoped it would express our secrets for us. Perhaps we both believed that the darkness would obscure our anguish.
You gazed at me in a way I’d never seen before. I’ll never forget the way you gazed at me on our first date and said, “perfect.” I’ll never forget waking up next to you for the last time and the way you kissed me good morning. Likewise, I realized our time together was coming to an end. We both realized that what we had could never last. We could never be more than a few chapters in each other’s lives, but that didn’t stop us from choosing each other.
Things were not always easy. We didn’t communicate for months, and I figured I would never see you again. The day you returned to me was one of the most wonderful days of my life. Before you, I struggled to believe in fate, and love was not always something I saw happening for me. The fact that you appeared in my life when I least anticipated it demonstrated to me that there is always something going on around us, even when it appears that nothing is occurring. Even on your worst days, the cosmos is slowly piecing together your life.
I never anticipated to have you in my life, and I am glad for the time I had with you. Though love with you did not look like I had hoped, you were just what I needed at the time. Love with you was not about titles or big social media declarations of love; it was about appreciating the small things. You loved me by doing simple things to show me that you cared during our time together. You loved me because you always made sure I arrived home safely by train. Furthermore, you showed me love by cooking for me and always making sure I was taken care of. You loved me in a million small ways that I had never realized were important until I met you. The affection you offered me let me finally understand my worth, and for that, I will be always thankful.
Though what we had, was never labelled and made official, I will never forget the way you made me feel. Some people love us in grand public gestures, while others choose to show us in little moments every day. No matter the way they show you, always remember that you are deserving of that love. And if they ever leave you, never forget the way their love made you feel. If they loved you, someone else out there will, too. The way that you loved me changed my life. And even though you may never be part of my life again, I will carry your love with me always. I will always remember you as the love that changed my life for the better.
Hope you liked this different style of poetry.
Ah! The narcissists….we all know them….read this interesting post by Dancing Elephant author A Chance Meading
✍ — Published by Warren Brown, at Dancing Elephants Press. Click here for submission guidelines.
