The Calzone. From humble beginnings, this little doughy pocket of Italian goodness has captured the hearts of a nation, nay, a world from the moment the hammer struck the anvil of creation and gave birth to the one true superfood.
Briefly, there was harmony.
Humans are imperfect, unlike calzones. Because of our western culture sensibilities and primate-like brains, we simply MUST seek any way to pit things against each other, ranking them. Forcing them to duel on the twitter feed battlegrounds and on our mental pallets.
And thus, the Oz Food Bracket was forged from the very loving hands that gave birth to food. Culinary creations are pitted against one another in a tournament; a gauntlet that rivals even the most maddest of marches.
If there can be only one victor, let it be known that this blog, this soul was in the right zone of thinking.
Let’s look at the competition.
We begin in the first round. Thankfully, our decision is not a tough one, as calamari has the misfortune to be sacrificed. The committee is not partial to seafood even if calzones weren’t a heavy favorite here. The first of many victories.
From here, there is a lot of guesswork. Calzones will face off against the winner of Chicken Alfredo and ham sandwhiches, both inferior sustenance options (Ham calzone, anyone?)
Calzones will have plenty of tough competition. In it’s own region, it will have to supplant the defending champion Chicken Tenders as well as a murderers row of chocolate cake, garlic bread and spaghetti. Pizza, wings, burritos, oreos, bacon egg and cheese, thanksgiving turkey, chicken parm. The field is loaded this year.
I’m not here to pick the rest of the bracket, especially when the committee is as unpredictable as ever (chicken tenders defeating chicken wings in the final last year sent shockwaves that have not yet subsided through our community)
Instead, I stand before you. Not as some expert of all things edible. But as a college student.
From the moment these young men and women set foot on the shores of lake Ontario, calzones have been there. Be it from Calio’s or Wonzones, students have pounded-for-a-buck from the jump.
For every late night study session, every project spent waiting on till the last second, a calzone was soon to follow.
Calzones were there when you wanted to experiment. After all, that’s what college is for.
Buffalo chicken? French Fries? Onion rings? Macaroni? In my calzone? It’s more likely than you think. For many, it was calzones that encouraged us to leave our proverbial culinary closets, expanding our minds beyond our wildest fantasies.
Choosing calzones as the superfood would be a long shot for sure. It’s not the favorite pick, but it is a sentimental one. A choice stuffed with nostalgia. And cheese.
I would remind the ladies and gentleman of the committee (Whom are mostly seniors) that calzones have been with you every step of the way to your diploma. Remember your first Tomcat. Remember discovering that the Paggy was every bit superior to the Tomcat. Remember ordering the desert calzone as a gag and instantly becoming diabetic.
Make the right choice. Get in the zone. Calzone.
