4 Of My Life Regrets And 2 Lessons I Have Learned
My grandma died this morning. Now it feels like a stupid excuse when I write that I planned to return her call today. She called me two days ago but I didn’t pick up because I was at work. I didn’t want to have to face the ridicule I would have subjected myself to if my co-workers heard me speaking in her native language which I sucked at.
Thank God I was driving alone when my mom broke this to me because I needed to cry this one. So I let the tears flow in synchronicity with the rain that was falling (why does it always rain when someone important dies)
I cried mostly because I was going to return her call today. But I could have picked up when she called. I could have called her yesterday. This kind of regret is why the but-she-was-old consolation isn’t much consolation.
And that is regret #1.
I initially started this article yesterday and the title was supposed to be Three Regrets and Two Lessons. And it was supposed to read this way:
I stood in front of him while he sat down to listen. It was usually the other way around- I sitting in the audience and him on the stage. Sometimes, I read his articles online. Sometimes I would see a flyer, a poster or an online ad with his face on the left side of the advert. This time around I was in front of him telling him all the things we shared in common- my fascination with behavioral psychology and Neuro linguistic programming. A few mentalism and card tricks later, we had exchanged numbers. He seemed rather disappointed that I hadn’t at least emailed him to invite him for one of the events I organized last year. You see, at the HighLifer launch party he was that one person I wanted to attend, to share my idea with, and to somehow mentor me. I looked at his calendar(it was publicly available at that time) and saw he was busy. Why email? Someone like that gets a lot of more important emails. And that was Regret #2
A few years ago, I got a job offer from one of biggest companies in the world. It was Google. I had just taken a promising job with another multinational; a 6-month contract with Google had its uncertainties. So I dangled the offer letter in front of Leonard Stiegeler, who had hired me, while asking for a pay raise. Should I have taken the job? Regret #3
At the age of 8 years old, I had started taking classical piano lessons. Unlike most people, I enjoyed the classes immensely. It was particularly interesting watching as I got better. A piece starts really complex, I feel like I will never ever ever play it. Two weeks later, it’s like a nursery rhyme. Easy peasy. When it was time to choose the course I wanted to study in Uni, I wasn’t bold enough to tell my parents I wanted to study Music. So I went with the bold and utterly ambitious choice, Medicine. I studied Music up till it was time for the West African Examination Council papers and I could not hang on anymore. Up till now I have interesting ideas for what I could/would do with music. Up till now, I still peak at Hans Zimmer’s scores(I wrote my own scores up till about 5 years ago). Regret #4.
There are different types and classes of regret. We all have them. But I have learned two major lessons from the most painful of them.
- Nike! When it comes to many types actions and decisions, I have learned to assess my inhibitions by weighing what I would gain if I succeeded, what I would lose if I didn’t try. That’s my definition of Risk Assessment. My life is splattered with many good intentions. I intend more than ever living with those intentions. Just do it!, says the Nike slogan and I will remember.
2. Staying in the moment: While we have those regrets, it’s not wise or meaningful to live in those regrets. There are opportunities, always opportunities, to right wrongs. Looking back to the past has a hold on our feet and moving forward becomes a drag. Sometimes it’s just better to untangle regrets and press forward to those good intentions.
Easier said, I still wish I had made that call. But moving on, I am realigning my priorities when it comes to relationships, especially with family. I am particularly glad that I made the unusual decision to travel all the way to my grandma’s last year to spend two days with her. Something I had never done before.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them. That only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” — Lao Tzu
