Being 20, Unemployed and Broke.
I’m just going to write a bunch of stuff and press Publish when I’m done.
Ok. So let’s start with introductions.
Hi, my name is Stephanie. I’m too awesome to have a name as basic as Stephanie but my parents didn’t know at the time of my birth that I’d turn out this great so, I’m Stephanie.
Last year, my torturous 4 years at the University of Benin ended. I graduated. Everyone says I should be proud I got a Second Class Upper. But I’m mostly just happy I was able to go through the system without sucking a middle aged professor’s penis. It’s a big deal. Not the penis of course, that’s small. The non sucking is what is big.
I read books, articles, tweets, Instagram captions, other people’s break up texts, hell I even read instruction manuals. And I’m Nigerian! That’s how much I like reading. I also write.
Let’s assume for the sake of trying to fit me into a box, that I’m a writer.
Recap : So far you know I’m Stephanie, I graduated, I can read and write. Good.
I am also unemployed. No job.
Which means…? That just like my country, I’m broke(n).
That’s not a good thing to be. It means that when you’re trying to drown your sorrows by watching The Big Bang Theory and start craving junk food because they’re forever eating on that sitcom, you can’t go out and buy pizza.
It also means you can’t buy books. And if like me your poor heart won’t let you read e-pirated books, no books means no reading.
In short, being broke is bad. I don’t like it.
Here’s What I’ve Tried To Do About It
I bake. I’ve been baking since my mother made me a cake that was harder to swallow than Buhari’s lies. I bake cakes, cookies etc. If it can be put in an oven then I can bake it. So, I get some money that way.
I tried to get a sugar daddy. I texted every raunchy married man who has ever come on to me. But I’m too woke to have sex whenever some sexually inadequate predator wants it. Plus what will it profit a Stephanie if she gets sugar daddy money and also an STI?
I also write. For a magazine and get paid per article. I’ve been told I’m quite good at it. Lol. That’s humble brag. I’m fucking good at it.
And I’d love to start up something in the foreseeable future. Great ideas too. But I am in desperate need of forming.
That bring us back to the ‘Unemployed’ in the title. I’m looking for a job.
My needs are simple. I just want to be a part of a team doing important work without taking itself too seriously.
I need a job because I want to learn.
What it feels like to lead. What it feels like to follow. Be under pressure. Stare down HR until they admit that you’re cute enough to be forgiven for farting indiscriminately. You know, I want a job for all the right reasons. Plus to earn income and have enough money for a good apartment.
That’s all really. I’m done typing. Surprisingly, I’m still jobless. I was told that magic ogbanjes gave out jobs while typing on Medium. If you’re one of those spirit creatures but you’re too shy to make an offer here, hit me up ohumustephanie (at) gmail (dot) com.
