How I got out of depression

I have never openly shared this. I only hinted it on page 126 of my book, Things I Wanted To Tell You In Other Words. I suffered from depression for two whole years. I wore a jacket that covered this sickness so well, only close friends knew. I couldn’t tell my very supportive family because I was scared of being judged.

I hear people say they are depressed and laugh deep inside me because sadness, unhappiness or whatever is not the same as depression. You really can’t explain depression. He visits you covered in a dark cloud yet you can’t see his face. No prayer, no words of comfort, no funny sitcoms can get you out of it. The worst part about it is when you tell family and friends. They brush it off like it’s a headache — use panadol.

A series of unfortunate events?

I thought it was the side-effect of a compilation of unfortunate events. My dad had died of cancer, I was held back in school because a Pharmacology(the irony of it) lecturer refused to release my results because I didn’t bribe him. I was confused about my career path- to continue in Medicine or to be a software developer? I was broke too. Very broke. I started a company that was doing so well ,then failed. Then I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years(or maybe she broke up with me). I refused to come out in the sun for 6 months until she accepted me back. It took another 1 year till she did. By now, I was homeless, living in my office and under the mercy of ravens that sent food to me every now and then. I couldn’t tell my family what was going on.

But was it because of all the unfortunate events? Was it because things weren’t going well?

You see, depression is a disease. It’s a sickness of the mind

I somehow got paid massively by owing clients, got my own apartment. I had money in the bank. But nothing changed. No, money didn’t change anything. Was it my career? No, it couldn’t have been. I had started achieving some of the things I only fantasized about. So what was it?

You see, depression is a disease. It’s a sickness of the mind. It’s a distortion of the mind, almost the way lunacy is. A close cousin. It eats up the mind just the way a fever takes strength from your joints and muscles. It’s hard for someone who hasn’t been depressed before to understand. It’s actually very annoying when someone tries to help you without proper knowledge.

Those times, I would spend the night alone gripping my bed sheets just slowly waiting for the day to come or death, whichever one came first. Later, I couldn’t wait for death any more. I wanted it faster. I had tried once (I won’t share the details so I don’t give someone else ideas). It didn’t work. That even scared the life out of me (that means death right?).

I started sleeping less than 3 hours, lying to friends that I was working. I loved to chat with people who were awake at these odd hours just so I could take my mind off.

The beginning of the end

One day, I stumbled on an ad on the internet about a mind program by Laura Silva (originally created by her father, Jose Silva). I found out about Jose Silva, a radio repairman who was also curious about how the mind works. He was curious about how to make the mind more efficient.
Through his professional knowledge, Silva already knew that reducing the resistance in an electrical wire allowed more electricity to flow through it (Ohm’s law). Using this theory as an anchor, he then wondered “What would happen if you could reduce the resistance in the human brain?”
Would doing this cause it to be more efficient at absorbing information, and perhaps even grant it access to reservoirs of previously hidden creativity and intuition?
Driven by this theory, Silva began a thorough process of research and experimentation, starting with his own children. By training them to function at brain frequency levels known as Alpha and Theta-levels of deep relaxation that most people experience while meditating or in light sleep-he was able to significantly improve their grades at school.

That started my entire journey into psychology and the study of the power of the mind which I have explored in learning things super fast(and why I do a lot of magic tricks). I have since been fascinated by the way the mind works and how it can be manipulated by psychedelic drugs, weed or by induction. I have only tried the latter and I continue to experiment myself.

Here’s what I have learned so far:

Meditation

The topic of meditation is getting a lot of media attention now than it was when I first stumbled on it. It seems like a lot of hype these days. But it is truly worth it. For obvious reasons, people associate meditation to early eastern spiritual practices that are often weird. Some people think meditation is numbing the mind of all thoughts. I actually doubt that can ever happen. But meditation in it’s simplest form is what I refer to. It is the concentration of the mind on only one thing. It could be a concentration on music, a music lyrics, the sound of your refrigerator, the shaking of your legs, whatever. Concentration on breathing is recommended because your breath is always with you. Just concentrating on your respiration for 2 minutes is enough meditation. Yes, of course we all suffer from the ‘monkey mind’. Your mind is just too busy. The untrained mind is a marketplace with endless, uncontrolled chatter. Meditation helps to slow the chatter and create some calm. You can get so calm that it can be likened to the free flow of water from a stream. This eases depression.

Hypnosis and autosuggestion

We are hypnotized daily without even knowing. Those ads you watch on TV or those you see on the billboard. Do you know how much of hypnosis goes on? Some people think hypnosis is done with some hypnosis waving a watch in front of your eyes. When the mind is in Alpha state usually when the mind is at rest, you’re easily prone to hypnosis. I dare you to watch a Coca-cola advert shortly before or a minute after waking from a restful sleep. You won’t be moved, right? Okay then?

In alpha state, you can self-induce yourself. Induction can be done through autosuggestion which can be achieved by confessing to yourself words of affirmation. “Everyday and in every way, I’m getting better and better”. Somehow this implants on the mind and gets you to better and better.

Happy people

Surround yourself with happy people. They are available everywhere. Negativity dampens the spirit. Happy people create a mood that creates a canvas where you can imprint on the mind. I found out that making positive changes in our lives requires positive emotions. Try this: If you want to sharpen your willpower, fake happiness, smile while confessing to yourself how you are going to achieve whatever it is you are avoiding.

This is where family can help. If you have family members that are averagely happy, go spend like a month with them. Oh, listen to the song Happy by Pharrell William. It wasn’t the most successful song of 2014 for nothing.

Visuals

Get pictures of amazing places, happy people and stick on your wall, your book, your desktop wallpaper etc. Use colorful backgrounds for your phone’s wallpaper and lock screen. Your eyes are a giant door to the mind. It is why pornography ‘works’.

According to a Huffington post article, ‘Visualizations under hypnosis enabled nationally ranked Stanford male gymnasts to execute for the first time several complex tricks that they had been working on for over a year…” Hypnosis here works because it decreases anxiety and increases focus. When you start your visualization, strive to construct the image with your mind free of worries even if you have to sculpt out an “artificial space” to do this. When you visualize while worrying, it is like painting with a shaky brush. Calmness increases the creativity and authenticity of your “brushstrokes”.

I had a colleague who was chronically depressed. She eventually got fired because she wasn’t performing. I told her about my own story and I am hoping she would heal too. Just like most sicknesses, you can heal totally. Yes it may be slow. But slow and steady wins the race.

Note of warning: There’s some hypnosis in this article. It will help you get better. Even reading this line makes you feel so calm. Listen? Can you hear the calm?