Is There A Name For What I Have?
You know when little light enters a dark room, and right in the line of fire are those specks of dust, scampering for cover, or for light in all directions.
GoodMan™ likes to describe my life like this — spontaneous, full of energy, all over the place. Love him to bits.
This post is going to be a lot like those specks of dust.
In 2015, I discovered Google’s Primer app and I went round the full office of almost 100 people, telling as much people as I could to download the app, and helping the reluctant ones download it myself.
Oh God, I loved that app so much. This is how I am with people I like, or things. I talk about them everywhere, to everyone, every time, to whoever I think cares to listen. So I’ll wear that one shirt till it dies and abandon all the other good ones.
I haven’t opened that app in months to give it some proper use. This is how I am with everything, and many of my interests. I just run out of steam. I just forget.
“Change all your passwords, they broke into the house and they took your laptop.”
In September, Jasmine called to tell me while I was at the office. That laptop had all the drafts I kept procrastinating about putting on my Google Drive. All of it, lost.
Folarin Okunola was sitting opposite me at the office had no idea what was going on. It took me the time it took to change all the passwords to move on. I stopped bothering about the drafts.
This is how I am with people leaving, or dying. I think both are inevitable. When people want to leave, nothing can keep them, not even love. And it’s fine, because I don’t want anything pulling me back when I’ve run out of the will to stay, or when I simply can’t stay any longer.
“Do I let go easily because of strength or because I never really cared enough?”
I used to worry about this a lot, but Nana Aisha Salaudeen says I don’t rate myself enough. Love her to bitses.
In my first year of secondary school, I had a notebook that had all my interests, from normal schoolwork to life. It was my neatest note, the only one that managed to stay complete and up-to-date every time. I got flogged by teachers a lot of the time for incomplete notes. Bleh.
This is how I am with many things. It’s always not-enough something, or too-much something, so I create my own, and sometimes that could mean not paying attention to what I should be paying attention to.
“Abeg see the one wey fit size you.”
I came home one day like three months ago, and on one of the rare occasions where my room wasn’t scattered, I packed all the clothes I hadn’t worn in months and gave it to our gateman, because it’s easier to give them out than to have to sort out what I’m clearly not using. (There’s no this-is-how for this one).
One day, I came home from work and met one big plate of Fried Rice and Chicken, and you know what I did? I sat down while still carrying my backpack and finished the thing.
This is how I am with food, I wipe the plate clean — every goddamn time. I love food, and I have enough body fat to show for it.
Five of my friends married this year. Two married each other. One got stolen away from another friend the way everyone steals the best players from Wenger on deadline day. Another one married someone that found a way to blow her mind. Miracle. Over one year ago, all of them had insecurities and uncertainties about bae.
But look at God.
Creative Mutant made so much illustrations this year that I started to wonder if it was not the same person that just started drawing stuff last year. Homeboy put in work.
This post was supposed to be about me, but now I’m talking about everybody else.
This is how I am with everything, starting off in one place and completely ending up where I didn’t plan. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it sucks real bad.
I started obsessing over a GoPro, looking for sugar mummy to buy it for me. None came along, and after a situationship with my wallet, I saved enough to buy it.
This is how I am when I get obsessed about stuff. I don’t stop. I wish I could be obsessed about other things like work and learning to speak Arabic, and other projects.
Now, I’m obsessing over a new thing. I want to travel across Nigeria, in one single stretch. From Lagos, to the south east, then to the south-south, then middle belt, then northeast, then Northwest, then north central, then back to the southwest.
It will take less than two months, and while I haven’t completely figured out how to be on the road and not lose my job, I’ll still do it in 2017.
Remember those tiny specks of dust at the beginning? We are back at it again, because I started off asking if there’s a name for what I have.
Now I don’t know if I’m interested in a name anymore.
