Ka M Kuo Me
I have spent the last month platonically sharing a bed with one of my two great loves and corresponding with the other. Its almost like the universe is gently but firmly steering me into a confrontation or closure, not sure which.
It is surreal, it’s been 6 years since this first happened and some things have changed but most of it is still the same. They both re-entered my life at the same time, joining me onstage from different exits for our three man play that has spanned years and changed who I fundamentally am in small increasingly surprising ways. My patience grew deep as oceans, I stopped being polyamorous, I promised one of them a Caine, and requested in return an Emmy or a Pulitzer.
They interacted with each other, I interacted with them individually but somehow our wildly multiverse has never collided and we still haven’t physically shared the same space. There is infact, a whole storyline that happened independent of me, them pitted against each other, using a mutual pawn, who mentioned me on twitter yesterday. Life is stranger than fiction.
I have entertained fleeting fantasies of what our lives would be like I tried again, with either of them. We were pretty young the first time, still discovering ourselves and hurting each other because we could. They are better fantasies than most, other than the fact that it ended, I have been curiously lucky in love, drawn to myself myself savants with encyclopaedic knowledge of the things they cared, empathy when it so suited them and unconventional beauty. I was never hung up on the beauty, but it was a nice thing to have, the kind of you memorized with fingers and eyes and dwelled on through fights and conversational dry spells. Fantasies are great but they’re what got us here in the first place.
I enjoy where I am now, and the volatility of young adulthood and its relationships have lost all of their glamour. I am content, I think we all are. Not going to return to the past, there’s nothing there.
