Convicts and Colonials walking tour

Perth, Wednesday 23 May 2012

The Perth city visitors’ centre runs twice-daily walking tours of the city. The first, at 11:00, is a generic city orientation, but at 14:00 there are specifically themed walks that explore a given element of Perth’s history. After reading The Fatal Shore (for which I think I deserve a medal), I decided that I’d like to trundle through Perth’s streets hearing about who built what under varying degrees of duress in the Convicts and Colonials tour.

Even better, my aunt said that she’d come with me.

When we gathered outside the information centre, in the bright late autumn sunshine, I wasn’t feeling especially hopeful. There was only Sandy and me waiting expectantly, and I suspected that unless there was a half-decent crowd, the tour wouldn’t take place. However, two unlikely looking German women were rustled out of the general melée and our guide, Lynsey, began his slightly patronising lecture on Perth’s history, after which, we trundled off in the direction of the town hall.

Here, things took a decidedly downward turn. As I was fishing my camera out of my bag, he looked at me muttered: ‘Don’t take photos whilst I’m talking!’ I was rather stunned. My camera wasn’t even halfway out of my bag when he interrupted his own monologue to berate me, and taking photos on this kind of tour isn’t entirely unexpected.

I didn’t appreciate the tone and I certainly didn’t appreciate him marching off towards the next stop, the building that used to be Albany Bell’s tea rooms on Barrack Street, before I’d had a chance to photograph the town hall.

The tea rooms weren’t that exciting and his voice was becoming trying.

By the time that we’d made it to the site of the old Metropole Hotel and Theatre Royal, my aunt and I were beginning to wonder where the convicts had got to in this tour. Just after the Piccadilly Arcade, the guide confessed that he’d got himself in a muddle just after the town hall and he was actually giving us the Boom and Bust tour, but it was a bit late to backtrack now, so if we didn’t mind, we’d just carry on.

Well, on the one hand I did mind: I’d organised my week so that I could go on that particular tour, and of the five specialised tours, the Boom and Bust one was the least interesting to me. As I leave Perth next Wednesday morning, I don’t have the opportunity to tag along on next Wednesday’s Convict’s and Colonials tour. On the other hand, the tours are free and staffed by volunteers, so who am I to complain, even if they curmudgeonly incompetents.

The tour did have some highlights, well, one, when we were taken inside the Bank West building, which used to be the Palace Hotel before Alan Bond reneged on his word during the refit and said that it was impractical to retain it as a hotel, as he’d promised, and it had to be sold to the bank. Thankfully, he did restore it beautifully and the guilt work on the ceiling and the mosaic floors are gorgeous.

We also learned that both the now-closed Theatre Royal and the still-operating His Majesty’s Theatre used to have retractable roofs that opened to the stars, which I thought rather wonderful.

I didn’t think it quite so wonderful how our guide would stride ahead, leaving us virtually no time to enjoy the environs, and frequently leaving us almost running to catch up. It wasn’t so much a guided walk of Perth, more a route march with poorly delivered running commentary. He had zilch sense of humour and wasn’t great at answering questions.

Ah well. At least Sandy and I were able to enjoy a gorgeous glass of wine in the Greenhouse afterwards!