I suck at networking with people: 4 reasons why
On how to avoid even more regrets for your deathbed
One thing I see clearly by now: relationships are one of the — if not the — most important thing in life.
It’s not just about companionship. It’s not just good for your soul.
Feeling alive and thriving is all about growing.
There’s only so much growing I can do by myself. Only so much joyce I can feel in solitude.
If I list the things I’m most grateful for in my life, all of them are about a relationship. My wife, my daughter, my parents or friends. None of them is about only me myself or I.
Relationships are good for business too. To find new opportunities, to learn new things, to expand horizons. The “network” is one’s most valuable asset.
Problem is, I’ve always sucked at this. I’m lazy. I’m blunt. I’m high expectations. But mostly, I’m lazy.
And I need to correct course.
Let’s dive right in.
1. I don’t return calls or emails.
I’m sorry, Marco. I read your email where you asked me to collaborate on that fantastic opportunity. I thought it was a great idea.
But then I didn’t want to commit right away. I thought it was better to sleep on it.
Then I thought let’s ponder about it in the weekend.
The weekend became a week. Then a month.
Then I was too embarassed to even respond.
Your email is still in my inbox. It has a red flag though! It’s important.
It’s just that… You know.
2. I don’t do events.
Between going to a dinner party and watching House of Cards or attending the latest Coursera course, I’d never pick the first.
I actually like talking with people. I enjoy it, once I’m rolling. I like the connection, the laughs, the points of view. And I think I’m pretty good at it!
Truly wonderful times.
But actually getting ready and driving there, or committing on a date? That’s too hard. It’s easier if it’s last second. Unannounced. You’d really like me to come? Ask me an hour before and in person. Don’t give me time to think. Use social pressure.
I’ll enjoy it and thank you for that afterwards!
3. I hate owing someone
If you make me a favor, chances are you’ll think you’re making me a disservice. My face won’t express gratitude, I’ll look almost upset.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful. It’s just that my mind is already set on how I could reciprocate. If I’m not able to figure out how right away, I’ll get stressed out because I’ll have to remember to do it in the future, and I’m afraid I’ll forget to. Or be too lazy to. And I don’t want to be that guy. I really don’t want you to think I’m an unappreciative jerk. Because I’m not.
4. I’m sure everybody else is thinking the same
And that closes the circle.
So here’s what I’m doing
No more feeling appalled by my behavior. No more adding regrets to my deathbed.
1. Default to YES
Countless articles about the importance of saying “NO”. I feel like I need to default to YES for a while. Just to get things rolling.
2. Get involved in some meetup / conference / etc
I’m not delusional. I’m not going to go out every night or so, or be the guy that organizes shit or asks to keynote anywhere. Once a month to an event that looks promising is great for starters. Even from the back seats.
3. Always be in a giving mindset, regardless of circumstances
That’s actually the easiest one. Committing to provide 51% in every relationship is just so relieving. No surprises, since I’m always on the giving end. Plus, it feels great. And it’s practical. It’s freedom.
4. Quit arrogance
A byproduct of the above point. I don’t know what other people think, so I should stop thinking I do. Let’s find that out. Listen. Embrace other people’s opinions. Don’t be afraid of confrontation. Look for positivity. But nonetheless, decide for myself.
And just be grateful and keep smiling.
So, if you know me and feel like I’m a freaking lonesome bear in the woods, that roars whenever anybody dares to step over my pee marked borders, please do accept my apology.
