fever dream

“If you’ll make me up, I’ll make you.” — Virginia Woolf

How much of who we are are just stories? How much of you is made up in my head and how much of my flesh is your fabric? It reverberates between the cells of our bodies (our prisons): an entity that eludes definition and strings a cosmos betwixt our ends. In your silvery light, you are the moon and in my eyes, you are transcendental.

I know that only light makes you real. My mind brims with sunshine and it makes you sing, it makes you shimmer. Such ephemeral glory we held in our hands, beheld in our sights.

We shift in space; faraway glints of reflections. You flicker on your lonesome, your ashes I cannot douse with my sadness. Feverish at fingertips, I draw sigils to trap you in my mind. Phosphorescent and bleeding, as if anything could ever escape the damage from our names.

Winter’s early dusk sinks around us. It’s so cold and you’re so warm, I know I’d go anywhere with you.

But we ruin too easy. I see you in the reflections of my mind, separating your image from who you really are. Everything I touch becomes surreal but here you are, still the same. A prosaic body that learned to glimmer in my light, still lunar in your way. There’s nowhere to dive when you’re only a surface, I can’t peel at layers that don’t exist.

In this gloaming, you can now see the light. In this gloaming, I now see your void.

Originally published at phantasmagothica.wordpress.com on January 5, 2019.