Christmas Is Stupid
Merry Christmas mother fuckers!
I have disliked Christmas ever since that Santa prick stopped bringing me presents. That was the year I truly lost my innocence.
From that point onwards Christmas was nothing but forced family time where I would get in trouble for something childish like farting in front of my extended family or my general lack of enthusiasm for the whole affair.
So now the vomit-inducing sounds of Christmas carols or the eye-rolling sight of inappropriate snow-themed decorations during the Australian summer is enough to make me want to jam a candy cane into my heart and bleed the egg nog which I don't drink. Does any Australian? Maybe the Christmas Gods neglected us on that front.
Now that Christmas is no longer about Power Rangers wrapped in tacky paper I’ve seen before with the tags clearly written in my mothers handwriting I feel myself asking: what is the point of this charade?
Don't you dare say Jesus.
That is not a reasonable answer for anything ever and is nothing but nonsense wrapped in Christmas paper hidden beneath a steaming mound of reindeer crap.
So is it full-blown consumerism in all its glory?
Yes, mostly.
It sure was to me before I ever understood what that even meant. The Christmas day I opened a fresh PS1 was pure euphoria which, quite frankly, has yet to be matched.
Now that the magic has decayed and the curtain is drawn back my “mature” mind strains to see the truth behind this fairy tale.
And my conclusion is this: life is sad.
Our existences are nothing but filler in this wild expanse that is the universe.
But we are here anyway so why not create something to look forward to?
Right?
Let’s give our children a little magic before the world inevitably grinds them down. I ask myself if I would teach my hypothetical child to celebrate Christmas. It doesn't feel right to lie to the thing but at the same time, lies can make you happy. I’ll have to wing it when that dilemma arises.
It's too late for me to recapture the innocent joy and childish excitement of the festive season.
So I will fill my Christmas with a few of the people I care for.
I’ll try to reclaim a little magic, a little innocence.
It's rather peculiar when you see it for what it is.
The true present of Christmas is being present in present with the presence of your significant others.
…my inner child would still love that Power Ranger though.
