Who Am I?
a search for… something
The perennial question that gnaws at the insides of everyone’s soul. A question there is no definite answer to. I can't help but ponder this imponderable and try to reach a concrete solution to such an abstract notion.
Who am I?
Who cares?
That's the general response that such a question elicits from people who don't dare to ask the big ones.
Many find their answer in external entities like religion, family or their career. They are simple answers to simpler questions.
And not very good ones at that.
I am forever trying to understand my own inner voice and trying to figure out if I am that guy talking or if that guy is talking to me. It really isn't clear who is who. Is that normal?
Because honestly I really struggle to distinguish where that narration is coming from and going to.
Perhaps it's “God”, more likely it's a mental condition. Perhaps I am no different to everyone else and I'm aimlessly wandering about chatting to myself like a schizophrenic.
Whatever the case I am stuck with this guy so let's make the best of a bad situation.
Enter creative outlet.
Which in this particular instance is writing.
Am I a writer?
Does the simple act of writing deem me a writer?
Is that all I could ever be?
It's a sobering thought for an often alcoholic profession that before you came the real writers. The big guys, you know who I'm talking about. The Literary God's that forged this profession and continue to make it such a prestigious form of expression.
Everyone respects a successful writer, but many don't respect the novice. It's true respect is earned. Is that respect earned from sucking?
Was Shakespeare a genius at birth? Or did he have to excrete a long line of duds before someone took notice? I honestly don't know, but someone else might. (Let me know if you do.)
And on that note, who defines genius, in any field?
Allow me to digress for a moment.
Jimi Hendrix is widely regarded as the greatest guitarist of all time. That's a very personal opinion but most people with any clue about music at least admits his talents and how he changed guitar playing.
There’s an old interview from The Dick Cavett Show where Mr Hendrix recoiled at being called the greatest guitar player in the world and humbly replies: "How about the best in this chair."
True humility despite his overwhelming talent.
Today we have the likes of Kanye West constantly stating he is a musical genius and just a God in general.
No disrespect to Mr West and I admit to being a fan. But… The attitude is a bit much.
Perhaps an excess of confidence is necessary to thrive in today’s world. Though I tend to believe that this attitude can have an adverse effect upon the work or the art.
If you see yourself as being the best that will ever be then why try harder, right?
So to return to my original point, does one have to first be crap to become great? Does being crap even assure success?
Well, I don't know and that can't be definitely answered. Though in pondering it I have realised something.
It all depends.
Maybe too much of an obvious answer but I still manage to forget it often enough to cause me mental distress and loss of self-worth.
It's true, some are just born awesome.
Some have to work hard to make it.
While the vast majority of us… suck.
But ultimately that comes down to that persons heart and who they are. If they want it bad enough to put it all on the line and fight against all odds and obliterate the barriers before them one day they shall transcend mediocrity and achieve true immortal greatness.
So I'm left asking myself, who am I?
