Quit Going Braless In Front Of Your Teenage Son, You Immodest Hoe
Apparently, my hard nipples are destroying the foundations of our chaste world
I have hard nipples. Often. I don’t know why they like to act like military personnel on Remembrance Day. It’s just the way they are.
“You can’t go like that in front of your teenage son,” a male friend recently commented seeing me braless in a tight tank top. After a mini yoga routine in comfortable clothing, my chest pals were ready to poke the eyes out of anyone shorter than four feet who tried to hug me.
“Why not?” I asked.
“It’s not modest. And it’s not fair to him. Teenage boys can’t help looking at your tits so you’ll scar him.” Hmmm. Here’s what I thought.
Immediate reaction. I’m going to yank off this tank top and choke you with it. Your dying words will be nada but grunts because I’ll have used my rock-hard teats to slice off your tongue.
Next reaction, involving a less brutal fantasy. Just because I can open cans with these suckers doesn’t mean I plan to brand my son with them. I’m not going to literally morph him into Scarface. That already happened when he was a toddler and I attempted to build a fort out of clothespins and a top-heavy metal-edged lamp. Which, by…
