Demystifying mentorship for mentors and mentees alike

“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.” — John C. Crosby

Mentorship is key to career development, and yet it remains an enigma for many. In this post, I’ll address frequently asked questions about the opportunities and benefits mentorship can bring:

• What is mentoring?
• Why have a mentor?
• What to discuss with a mentor?
• How to find a mentor (and who should it be)?
• What are different forms of mentorship?
• How to set up mentoring meetings?
• How to prepare for a mentorship meeting?
• Why be a mentor?

What is mentoring?

Mentoring is a two-way relationship that develops between mentors and mentees.

• A mentor is someone who can teach specific skills and impart wisdom, sharing from their relevant experiences. (A definition I received, perhaps not ironically, from a mentor!)
• Conversely, a mentee is a person who is advised, trained, or counseled by a mentor.

Why have a mentor?

There are many reasons to have a mentor, including the following:

Gain additional perspective and ideas

One benefit of raising topics with a mentor is that they can often bring up aspects that were previously blind spots for you.

Let’s say you’re stuck on a project due to a technical or situational challenge. Often a mentor can provide a fresh perspective by asking just the right questions to help spark a new idea or approach. Given your mentor’s experience, they also might be able to recall patterns that are similar to the experience you’re having and offer guidance based on what they’ve seen work.

There are numerous scenarios for which consulting with a mentor will help you achieve your goals faster. Another example to consider is help with tackling constructive feedback. Perhaps you’re struggling to understand exactly what the feedback means, or how to address it. A mentor can ask the right questions to coach you to a solution.

While a mentor is valuable for everyone, it’s particularly critical in environments where you don’t have a data science community readily available in your organization. For example, you may be the first data scientist at a startup, or working in an embedded model, as described in an earlier article. In these scenarios, it’s important to develop a network with other data scientists so you can share ideas and gain guidance, even if you’re in different organizations or companies (taking confidentiality into account, of course).

Learn how to approach new scenarios

If you’re approaching a scenario that’s new for you but routine for your mentor, your mentor can provide a “playbook” with principles and practices on how to proceed. Given this, whenever you start a new role, make sure to prioritize time for mentorship as part of a 30/60/90-day plan. Whether you’re onboarding to a new data science team, taking on a new data science project, working with a new manager, or working with a seasoned manager taking on new responsibilities, these are all scenarios where a mentor can help you have a strong onramp. They can help you succeed the first time, rather than reinventing the wheel as you figure it out. Of course, you can always choose how much of their approach to adopt, making it work for your own personal style. It can be helpful to have this starting point, however, and gain awareness of aspects that you might not have considered without experiencing them before.

For example, consider if you were a new manager. New manager training is great and an important step. In addition, a mentor can help provide consulting as you apply the training on the job. They can also provide templates based on their years of experience, regarding how to run team offsites, performance discussions, and more.

Help chart your career path

At any point in time, it’s important to know your “joys” and “dislikes” in a job, the experiences you want to have next, and where you might be heading in the next five to ten years. Having a sense of potential long-term paths can help prioritize skills and experiences to gain today. It also makes you better equipped to recognize opportunities when they arise. But charting out your long-term path can be quite daunting: How will you find out what roles exist, what they entail, and which you will enjoy? Mentorship and networking are great ways to learn more about what’s out there, which paths have continued growth opportunities, and where you’re uniquely positioned to succeed.

Network

Mentorship is also a form of networking. It can be a great way to meet people in other parts of the organization. It’s important for the broader org to be familiar with your work. In some cases, if the mentor gets to know your work, the relationship can also turn into a sponsorship, which can bring opportunities for your career.

Finally, why not?

Given all of this, perhaps a simpler question is: Why not have a mentor? The most common reason I hear is “not enough time.” From my own experience, however, I can assure you that mentoring will ultimately save you time (by providing perspective on priorities and ideas for more efficient approaches) so it can actually help you achieve your goals faster.

What to discuss with a mentor?

There’s no right answer for what to discuss with a mentor. There are many possibilities, and ultimately it’s up to you to decide how you want to best utilize your time together. Here are examples, in case they help spark some ideas of your own:

• Developing a technical approach for a problem and/or code review
• Learning more about techniques, libraries, and frameworks in a new space (e.g., for a developer moving from back-end to front-end web development)
• Navigating a scenario you’re stuck on (e.g., how to get a new cultural tenet to land in an organization)
• Brainstorming approaches for an ambiguous challenge you’ve taken on
• Identifying particular soft skills that you want to emulate and grow
• Envisioning your career roadmap
• Deciding among career options
• Answering business or strategy questions, to help you understand the big picture
• Addressing diversity and inclusion topics
• Discussing work/life balance tips

How to find a mentor (and who should it be)?

The first step to finding a mentor is deciding what you want the mentorship to be about, as described in the examples above. We look for mentors who model the behaviors and practices we want to learn, so it’s important to articulate the kind of guidance you hope to gain.

How: Reach out directly

There are many ways to find a mentor. A simple one is to ask someone directly. If you’ve observed someone who practices the skill you’re looking to learn, ask if they’d be open to meet. Let them know that you admire their approach and that you’d love to learn more from them. What is the worst thing that could happen? Many will agree, some might recommend someone else, and in the worst case, they might say no or not respond. Most often people will agree, however, especially if you’re driven and ensure you’ll make good use of the time.

How: Define the relationship

One aspect that holds some people back from mentoring is the awkwardness that it might create in a relationship. An example of this is turning a peer or partner relationship into a mentorship. The good thing about “defining the relationship” when it comes to mentoring is that you don’t have to! Simply share that you would like to meet with the person for lunch, and then let the conversation go from there.

How: Ask for recommendations

Perhaps you can’t think of someone to be your mentor or you don’t have much of a network yet. There are many people who can provide mentor recommendations for you. For example, your current management and broader org leaders are great sources for providing recommendations. Remember to let them know what you want mentorship on (such as career topics, technical topics, and so on), so that they can recommend a good fit from their network.

Who: Prior managers

Prior managers can be great mentors. Particularly for topics such as charting career paths or choosing among job options, prior managers are a great group to consult. They already know you well through your tenure working together, so they understand your passions, goals, strengths, growth areas, joys, and dislikes. This makes them a great compass to check in with on these topics. Just make sure to update them on your latest progress, achievements, and any introspection on your goals so they have the full picture.

Who: Inside and outside your organization

You should have at least one mentor inside your organization and at least one outside your organization. The mentor inside your organization can provide guidance that reflects organizational dynamics. The mentor outside your organization can provide a fresh and different perspective based on how things are done elsewhere. You may also find that you’re able to open up more with the mentor outside your organization, since they don’t know the individual contacts involved. At some point in your career, you will likely want to look for mentors outside of your company as well.

If you don’t have a mentor today, it might be overwhelming to hear you should have two (one inside and one outside your organization). But in reality, you should be consulting with many more than two people throughout the year on these topics. Start building mentoring relationships one by one, and before too long, it will feel more natural.

What are different forms of mentorship?

Beyond the traditional 1:1 mentor-to-mentee relationship, discussed throughout this post, there are also alternative forms of mentorship.

Informal advice

Less formally than meeting with someone periodically, and without a “mentorship” label, you can also spontaneously ask others for advice. Networking and social events are good opportunities for this. Have your top three questions in mind that you would like mentorship on, and bring them up with relevant leaders whom you meet at the event.

Peer mentorship

Peers can be a great source of ideas. Peer mentoring typically occurs when someone is assigned an “onboarding buddy” for joining a new team, but these contacts can be valuable far beyond the first few weeks. This is a scenario where you can keep it as an informal, unlabeled relationship.

But this isn’t the only possibility. Given that we all have different backgrounds, it’s also useful to learn from the approaches of others generally. Essentially, if you keep a growth mindset, you can learn from anyone, at any level in the organization. It’s very common in these situations for the mentoring to flow in two directions. You and your peer can teach each other about different topics based on your backgrounds and strengths.

Mentor rings

Mentor rings are another version of the 1:1 mentoring format. In a mentor ring, two mentors typically mentor a group of 12–14 mentees. Advantages of mentor rings are that mentees learn they are not alone on these topics, they get to learn from each other’s questions (including ones they might not have thought to ask), they get to learn about more organizations and roles at the company (by hearing from others), and they get to network and share tips with each other as well. Mentor rings can also be a good format for more formal content, since one member typically prepares some content for the group to discuss at each meeting. You can learn more about mentor rings in this article. If mentor rings don’t exist at your company today, you can always start one! (Feel free to reach out via the Comments section below for tips on how to do this.)

Reverse mentoring

Reverse mentoring seems to be increasing in popularity lately, but Jack Welch actually applied it in the 1990s at GE. Reverse mentoring is aimed at helping organizational leaders understand and empathize with the experience of key employee groups in the organization (such as younger employees, those early in career, with diverse backgrounds, and so on). By enabling learning about unconscious biases and systemic issues, it allows leadership to change the workplace to be more welcoming for members of these groups.

How to set up mentoring meetings?

The answer to this question varies, depending on the mentor. You’re asking for their time, so it’s important to find something that works well for them.

Timing

Maybe they prefer to meet during their lunch break, or over afternoon coffee. Or perhaps there is a time before or after the workday that best fits their schedule. This will vary from person to person, so be sure to ask your mentor.

Duration

Duration also varies by mentor, so find out what they prefer. For example, you may get 20 minutes with a very senior executive. Otherwise, 30, 45, or 60 minutes are the most typical durations for a mentoring meeting, providing enough time to tackle multiple topics. In some cases, you may also see 90 minutes for a mentor ring. If the duration seems too long or short based on your initial meeting conversations, you can always adjust.

Cadence

The cadence varies based on your needs and the mentor’s availability. I generally recommend starting with a single occurrence. If from your first meeting it seems like a good connection, you can ask about setting up a recurring cadence that works for them. Periodic or “as needed” scheduling works too; in that case, you can email when a new topic comes up. (Note that because some executive mentor schedules book out ahead of time, you might need to reach out a month in advance to reserve a spot on the calendar.)

This is another reason why it’s good to have multiple mentors. If you space meetings out, you can meet with a particular mentor every other month (for example), and still have ample updates to share. For more senior mentors, quarterly or every six months might be sufficient to stay in touch. Of course, for an onboarding mentor, you will need a more frequent cadence (at least weekly, for example).

End date

Another question pertains to how long to continue a mentoring series. You can generally feel when a mentoring relationship has run its course. In that case, it’s best to end the formal series and stay in touch more periodically to be most efficient with the mentor’s time, while keeping it a rich relationship. If your mentoring is aimed toward specific goals, it’s natural that these goals will change over the course of your career. Job and level changes are natural reflection points to step back, consider the kind of mentorship you need for your next steps, and determine who is the best mentor for your new goals.

Occasionally, you may also find at the start that a mentor relationship is not a good fit. For example, this can occur with a mentor you receive through a recommendation. I generally recommend giving the relationship a few chances, since we can still learn much from people who are different from us. If it doesn’t work out after a few times, however, and you don’t feel like you’re getting anything out of it, don’t feel bad about ending the meeting series, since ultimately you’re saving time for both of you.

How to prepare for a mentorship meeting?

The key to a successful mentorship meeting is to be purposeful and professional. Here are specific aspects to follow:

Do your homework

To make your time efficient with your mentor, focus on questions only they can answer. Start by looking up answers on the internet or your intranet in advance. For example, if you’re meeting with an organizational leader, don’t start the session with “So, what does your org do?” That’s something you can find out from their internal website or from anyone on their team. Similarly, if your mentor writes blog posts or speaks, review that content first. Then you can save your time with the organization leader to discuss deeper questions and ideas.

Send an agenda

As with any other work meeting, start by sending an agenda. Consider how much time you have and suggest a reasonable number of topics to cover. This shows the mentor that you’ve been thinking about the mentoring topics, you care about their time, and are making sure that the session will be well spent.

Note that some mentors like to receive the agenda at least 24 hours in advance so that they can start thinking about the topics and gathering relevant resources.

Share notes

When appropriate, send notes summarizing the actions you plan to take based on your meeting discussion. Don’t schedule your next mentor meeting until you’ve followed through on your actions!

Follow-up

This part is incredibly important. Follow up to let your mentor know when you’ve done something based on their advice, and how the situation ultimately turned out. Similarly, send them a quick note once you achieve the next career goal that you’re working on. They’ve invested their time in you, and so it’s very fulfilling for them to know that their time was well spent.

Offer assistance

Consider ways you can help your mentor to show appreciation for their time. For example, perhaps there’s a connection you can make within your organization, a project you can contribute to, or a relevant resource you can share.

Why be a mentor?

Of course, covering the aspects of being a mentee is only half the equation. Mentors are necessary, too. There are many reasons to become a mentor. I enumerate a few here:

Increasing your organizational leadership as an individual contributor

As an individual contributor, mentoring is a great way to expand your leadership impact and lift up the organization.

Preparing to become a people leader

If you want to become a people leader and lead a team, mentoring is great preparation. Through mentoring, you gain greater awareness for the experiences and challenges others are facing in the organization. You also get many opportunities to practice coaching others. Through mentoring, you demonstrate to your leadership that you’re vested in the development of others and are ready to take on more. If your mentees have a lot of good things to say about your interactions together and how you helped their career development, that’s a good sign and also helps to make for a smooth transition to becoming a manager.

Mentoring also provides an opportunity for you to assess whether this is how you want to spend your time. If you find that you’re not passionate about mentoring others, you may want to consider other ways to grow your career besides people leadership.

Becoming a better people leader for your team

Even if you’re already a people leader, mentoring can make you better at your role and prepare you for the next level of leadership. By gaining awareness of the challenges employees are experiencing at your mentee’s level in the organization, you can have greater empathy and be more conscious of the employee experience. Furthermore, you can evolve your processes and communication to proactively address the knowledge you’ve gained. (This is similar to the aspects discussed above for “reverse mentorship” regarding the learning that the senior member gains by listening to others.) Mentees might be more forthright in sharing their experiences than someone who reports to you. Given this, you can develop content to help your mentee, which may also be transferable and helpful to share with your team (ensuring that confidentiality is respected). An example of this might be developing content to explain the different disciplines, as well as tips for career progression in each (which would be relevant for both your mentee and your team).

Gaining perspective

By meeting with employees in different parts of the organization, you can learn about other parts of the business and expand your network.

Paying it forward

I’m very grateful for all the mentorship I’ve received. The advice I’ve received from others’ life experiences has had great impact in helping guide my career. Given this, I see mentoring as a way to “pay it forward.” I believe it is also a way to increase diversity and inclusion.

Setting expectations

Mentoring is an easy way to contribute to others. I don’t find that it requires much investment beyond the time of the meeting. You’ve already gained many years of experience that your mentee is looking to draw on. Of course, you should be present with your mentee during the session and provide them with the best coaching you can offer. You may also have relevant resources or networking connections to share with your mentee following (or during) your sessions. Finally, above all, mentorship meetings should be confidential. Establishing this trust is key to covering deeper topics.

Conclusion

Mentorship can be an ambiguous topic to master. I hope this post has helped clarify it further and given you some ideas for how to put this approach into practice. Best of luck on your mentorship journey!

Lisa Cohen is on LinkedIn.