I Want a FWB — How to Start A Friends With Benefits Relationship
Everybody deserves to be happy, yet when it comes to happiness, everybody has a different idea of precisely what that is.
Happiness, for some people, is finding a partner, settling down, getting married, and starting a family together. Happiness for other people is spending time alone, leading a single lifestyle, and enjoying their own space. But what about people who want something in between? Well, in that instance friends with benefits (FWB) would be ideal.
People talk about intimacy and sexual intercourse like they’re dirty words, when in reality, it is the most natural process on earth. At the end of the day, as long as it is between consenting adults, and any necessary precautions are taken place, what’s the harm?
Suppose you’re looking for some friendship and company, but also somebody to get naughty with, in the bedroom. If that sounds appealing to you, you need friends with benefits. Finding a FWB however, is easier said than done.
To help make your search easier, here’s a look at several tried and tested tips for finding friends with benefits.
Find Somebody There is a Connection With
One of the first things you should consider when finding your very own friends with benefits, is whether or not the person you have your eye on has a connection with you, and vice versa.
Remember, you’re not just looking for friendship here, nor are you just looking for a hookup and some meaningless relationship, you’re looking for friends with benefits. This literally means that you not only share friendship and do things that friends do, but you also share intimacy together.
If you come across somebody and find there is no connection, you may as well keep looking. Sure, you may find them attractive, but at the end of the day, if you have no connection, other than a casual relationship, what do you have?
Before you initiate a FWB relationship, get to know the other person first and see if there is any spark. You aren’t looking for romance, but you are looking for chemistry, and some form of connection, otherwise you’d be better off with a one night stand instead.
Use a Specialist FWB Dating Site
One of the best ways of finding a friend with benefits is to use websites such as FWBdatingonly.com, Tinder and POF.com.
These specialist dating websites are designed to not only offer useful hints and tips for finding a FWB, but they are also full of people looking for the same arrangement as you. By using these dating sites, you know that the people you’re chatting with know exactly what they’re signing up for, and what the arrangement will be.
Ensure Your Potential FWB is Available
Another hugely important consideration when choosing a potential friend with benefits, is whether or not they’re available.
By available, we not only mean single, but also, available for FWB arrangement, and available for friendship as well.
If the person you’ve got your eyes on is emotionally unavailable, or perhaps coming out of a breakup and is on the rebound, you may be better off looking elsewhere, as there could be a lot of emotions involved, which would only complicate things.
The potential FWB should be fun, caring, emotionally available, and have a clear understanding of the potential arrangement between the two of you. If not, they’re almost certainly not right for you.
Ensure They Won’t Become Emotionally Attached
If done right, a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement can be incredibly exciting, rewarding, and satisfying. There is, however, always the risk of people becoming emotionally attached, and this is where things can not only become complicated, but can turn ugly very fast.
Unless you are open to the possibility of dating the person in the future, and maybe forming a relationship with them, you must ensure that they understand that there is no potential for a relationship in the future, and that relationship should remain purely ‘no strings’ with no feelings attached.
If the person in question shows any signs of becoming emotionally attached, I.E they show signs of jealousy when you speak to other people, or if they constantly want attention from you, or that they have had romantic feelings for you in the past, move on, because it will only end in tears.
Get to Know Them First
While there are plenty of FWB websites and apps out there designed to help people find FWB, it is always best to get to know them first before you commit to any intimacy.
Ask about their past, their work, their interests, and perhaps why it is that they’re looking for a friend with benefits, rather than a romantic partner. By all means, talk about yourself too, but try not to talk about yourself too much. Get to know them, and in return, they can get to know you.
Once you know the individual a little better, you can then start thinking about striking up a friendship and doing things friends do, such as heading out to the movies, for drinks, parties, and so on, and then maybe getting intimate afterwards.
Set Ground Rules
This does not only go for you, but your “friend” as well.
Before you engage in a FWB relationship, one of the first things you need to do is set clear ground rules for each other. Once you know each other well enough, you can discuss boundaries before any intimacy takes place.
As an example, you could say that one of your ground rules is that you wish to date other people, while making it clear that you are not dating and are just having fun. You might not wish to be bothered on certain days of the week.
Once you set your ground rules and boundaries, ask your FWB if they are okay with them, and be sure to offer them the same courtesy. If they are not comfortable and are not happy to abide by your ground rules, or vice versa, then the arrangement simply is not going to work.
Basically, everybody knows where everybody stands, which makes life so much easier.
