Breaking into Non-Monogamy

a rapid resource guide for the curious

Steve Dean


Comic source:

First, gather a few critical perspectives on love and relationships

  1. The Bigger Picture of Polyamory
  2. How We End Up Marrying the Wrong People
  3. There’s No Such Thing As Everlasting Love, According to Science
  4. Why We Fuck — Evolutionary Roots of Non-Monogamy
  5. Monogamy vs. Polyamory
  6. Casual Love
  7. Types of Nontraditional Relationships

I’m also particularly fond of this graphic designed by Kirstin Rohwer depicting several popular, diverse, and even divisive forms that love & relationships can take:

source: Kirstin Rohwer,

Next, explore some of the tactics for handling jealously, disclosure, and the treatment of your new (and existing) partners

  1. Ten Realistic Rules for Good Non-Monogamous Relationships
  2. Having a polyamorous relationship with a monogamous partner: What your monogamous partner wants you to know
  3. How to Treat Non-Primary Partners Well
  4. Care and Feeding of Polyamorous Secondary Relationships
  5. How to Handle Jealousy
  6. A dialog between a polyamorous and a monogamous person

Finally, get acquainted with the must-read literature for non-monogamous folks

  1. The Ethical Slut
    A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
  2. Polysecure
    Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy
  3. Opening Up
    A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
  4. More Than Two
    A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory
  5. Sex at Dawn
    How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships
  6. Come As You Are
    The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

About the Author…

I’m Steve Dean, an NYC-based online dating consultant.

I offer customized consultations to individuals who need help with dating & relationships, as well as dating sites who need help with product strategy and growth.

I like to write and podcast about dating, relationships, and how to get connected to awesome jobs, roommates, and events. If you’d like to keep tabs on what I’m working on, you can follow my Patreon page, or connect with me anywhere:

Dating & Relationship Coaching | Dateworking Podcast
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Steve Dean

Dating Industry Consultant & Relationship Coach, | Host of Dateworking Podcast