How To Say “No” Without Lies, Flaking, or Fadeaways
A guide to saying “let’s just be friends” or declining a suitor’s unwanted advances
Two highly-respected women in my life asked that I make these tips available to the greater public, so here goes…
Nearly everyone has experience with rejections, but not all rejections are created equal. Feminists have blasted women for using problematic excuses like “I have a boyfriend” as ways of turning down suitors. While I wish we could all learn how to graciously accept forms of “no thanks,” I also think it’s our collective responsibility to learn how to honestly and constructively say “no”— without resorting to flaky behavior, passive aggression, or outright lies.
I’ve been a dating, sex, & relationship consultant for the past four years, and what follows are some recommendations that have worked for my friends and clients for declining unwanted advances from friends, suitors, and even current relationship partners.
Four Most Important Tips:
- Give your partner agency.
People generally like predictability, stability, and agency, which is the feeling that they’re in control of their own future. When agency is taken away from us, we feel threatened, we panic, and we make rash decisions. This is why…
