Daughter of Zion; Do Not Be Afraid
As a little girl, I was terrified of the dark. Bath time was the worst and it didn’t help that electricity somehow managed to disappear right about that time. There I was, soap covering my eyes as I am about to wash my face and suddenly, the power goes off and everywhere is pitch black.
As if it wasn’t already a struggle having to close my eyes to wash my face, I had to finish bath time in the dark because NEPA — as our beloved electrical power company was known back then — had taken light.
Much to my mother’s chagrin, I would eventually end up dashing out of the bathroom butt naked and with soap suds all over my body, just to get a candle from the kitchen.
I used to be so afraid of the dark, I couldn’t fall asleep with the lights off. I would bury my head in my blanket, never mind that the weather was incredibly hot and there was no electricity and no fan or air-conditioning. I much preferred suffering the sweat rather than having to deal with whatever I imagined was lurking in the shadows in my room.
I have always had an overactive imagination, so in between those few minutes it took to get in bed and fall asleep, I would imagine there was something under the bed or in the cupboard about to come out and eat me. We used to grow corn in the yard and the shadow of the stalks just outside my bedroom window always looked menacing and scary.
But even though I was hopelessly afraid of the dark, this never stopped me from watching scary, horror movies. I would watch them during the day and then in the space of time it took me to close my eyes and wait to fall asleep, I’d fantasize and re-imagine all the scary things I’d seen on TV all day.
It seemed ludicrous to be treating myself that way, knowing that I’d still end up unable to fall asleep later in the night but unable to stop myself from watching the very thing that kept me up during the day.
As I grew up, my relationship with the dark didn’t completely change, but it greatly improved. At least, I could finish having a shower in the dark before dashing out of the bathroom. And even though I still can’t sleep when it is pitch black, I don’t have to bury my head in the blanket and I don’t see menacing creatures outside my bedroom window or think that monsters are hiding in my closet or under my bed.
Still, as I thought about my childhood fear of the dark, I realized that I was terrified of things that weren’t real. They only seemed real to me then because I spent too much time feeding into the seeds of fear I already had rooted in my head. So much so that I convinced myself that things were going on and happening around me which robbed me of the ability to sleep deeply and soundly.
And so I begin to wonder; how many things in our lives have we allowed to terrify us even when we know that there was no way they could harm us?
How many times have we allowed our perception of the things we fear to rob us of the experience of really living? Why did I find it so hard to simply stop feeding my subconscious the arsenal it needed to rob me of my sleep?
One Bible verse I used to always recite during my fearful childhood days was 2nd Timothy 1 verse 7;
God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.
I would say it repeatedly until I fell asleep. The words gave me comfort and peace.
I couldn’t stop watching horror movies, in fact, I still enjoy watching them, but I no longer have the irrational fear that the things from the movies I watch would happen to me when I close my eyes to go to sleep.
So as I wrote this piece, I went back to look at that verse and noticed that the New International Version has a slightly different translation.
It refers to “sound mind” as “self-discipline”. And as I consider what it means to not be afraid, I realize that fear does not go away. It is a biological human reaction created by impulses in the brain. But you can discipline and train your mind to react appropriately to that fear.
The aim is not to never feel afraid. It is to condition your mind to act, rather than react to your fear.
So Daughter of Zion, do not be afraid. Not of the terrors you think are lurking in the shadows at night, or the arrows that are being directly targeted at you during the day.
Discipline your mind not to react from a place of fear, but to act from a place of power and love.
…And may the peace of God and the knowledge of who you are in his world fill you with light and love always.
