Turn Off Your Damn Cell Phone, I Say, But No One Listens
My Week Carrying A Cell Phone. What A Pain In The Ass!
By David Grace (Amazon Page — David Grace Website)
Lately, I’ve been writing about fundamental flaws in humans as a species — our compulsion to join tribes and our irrational, unwavering devotion to tribal leaders:
and our huge inability to accurately judge risk:
Humans Are Prone To Addiction
Another fundamental flaw in the human species is its gigantic propensity to addiction. I’m not talking about just substance addiction to things like alcohol, opioids, and nicotine. I’m talking about non-chemical addictions, addictive behaviors, like gambling and the compulsive use of cell phones.
Cell Phone Addiction
Constant Notifications
Yes, most people need a phone for their job or when they are away from home, but we don’t otherwise need to have a phone always and immediately at hand.
People are addicted to their phones not because they need them, but because, like a gambling addict thirsting for the next jackpot, we feel as if the next call, the next text, the next buzz or beep is going to reward us with . . . something.
My girlfriend always carries has her cell phone. At least once a day I hear, “Where is my phone?”
I jokingly tell her, “Why don’t you attach a little chain to it so that you can fasten it to your wrist? That way you could never lose it.”
She does not think that is funny. Not at all.
If someone calls her, enters the field of view of her doorbell camera, or just posts something on Facebook, it dings, beeps, vibrates or makes some other odd noise that demands her attention.
Just Say No
My attitude toward a cell phone during non-work hours is, “Turn it off and check your messages in a couple of hours.” I am in the vanishingly small minority.
“So and so is calling you? Is it important?” I ask. “No? Then they can wait.”
Their response is to look at me as if I had two heads.
My Week Carrying A Phone
My significant other — (I would like a better term for that relationship. Send me your suggestions) — is now in Europe. Given the eight-hour time difference, the best time for us to talk is between 8:00 am and 2:00 pm my time. That means that when she left I had to take my cell out of my car’s glove box and actually keep it with me for those six hours, every day.
That was when I was reminded what a massive pain in the ass cell phones are.
Having To Constantly Have It With Me
Every time I left my house I had to put the phone on the passenger seat or in the car’s cup holder in case it rang while I was driving. When I got to my destination, I had to remember to put the phone in my pocket. When I got home I had to remember to take the phone into the house.
Once inside, if I went to the kitchen I had to take the phone. When I needed to use the bathroom I had to take the phone.
Losing Track Of The Phone
And it seemed like every few minutes I forgot where I had put it and I had to find the damn thing all over again.
Where did I leave it? What room is it in?
And when I didn’t see it, I got that little, nervous worry — I don’t see it. Where did I leave it? Where is it?
That would start me searching all around and until, eventually, I would find that it had slipped between the cushions on the couch or it was sitting on something black that made it almost invisible.
And once I found it, I had to figure out some new spot where I could put the damn thing that was within easy reach and it wouldn’t get lost, again.
A few minutes later I would go into another room and the whole “Where is the phone?” nonsense would start all over again.
You Can’t Fix A Problem Until You Admit That You Have A Problem
What the hell is wrong with people that drives them to put themselves through this total crap every single day of their lives?
Silly question. Why does the junkie go through all that trouble to get his/her fix? Why does the smoker go through all that trouble to suck on those cigs? Why do people send twenty, fifty, a hundred texts a day? Why do people spend four hours a day on Tic Toc or Facebook or whatever?
Because they are addicted.
They Can’t Look Away From That Tiny Screen
Go to any public place and you will see almost everyone staring mindlessly at their phones as if at any moment the secret meaning of life is going to pop up on their tiny little screens, and their existence will finally be fulfilled.
It’s like that Nick Of Time Twilight Zone episode where William Shatner can’t stop playing the fortune-teller machine in the hope that the next message will be THE ONE.
At a bus stop, on the bus, in line someplace, shopping, walking down the sidewalk, standing at the urinal, peeing, they are, zombie-like, all mesmerized by their phones, babbling worthless nonsense — “Yeah, I’m peeing right now, then I’m going to go to Chick-Fil-A. I think I’ll get the Spicy Deluxe.” Riveting stuff, NOT.
People Hooked On Constant Stimulus
If cell-phone-people (which is essentially everyone but me) have two minutes where they are not actively doing something, they grab their phones and start watching videos of people they don’t know doing things with something they doesn’t care about, and then they want to buy it.
People can no longer just do nothing, just sit quietly at the bus stop or a park bench and look at the world around them. No, they have to be staring at their phone.
Injured Because They Won’t Pay Attention To Real Life
How many people are injured or killed by mindlessly stepping off a curb — or off a cliff — while fixated on that stupid little screen?
How many people wreck their cars or run over someone because they were screwing around with their phones instead of paying attention to where the four-thousand pound rolling hunk of steel and glass they were piloting was heading.
And then there are the ones in front of me who sit at a green light because they are fooling with their phone instead pressing the gas and getting the hell out of my way. OK, I admit that I’m maybe a bit over-sensitive to slow-green-light-starters. Cars do have horns after all.
Too Addicted To Even Want To Quit
I don’t have to convince you that humans as a species are addicted to social media and addicted to constant, mindless, trivial communications. That’s obvious to everybody. What baffles me is that so few people are willing to try to stop or even cut back.
I tell them, “Let every non-work call go to voice mail and then return the ones that are important when it is convenient for you” and they look at me as if I had suggested that they kill, gut and stuff the family dog.
I tell them, “Turn off your phone. If there’s an emergency, you can always turn it back on” and I might as well have said, “Don’t bother paying your mortgage this month. The bank can wait.”
After Saturday I’ll Be Free
So, my girlfriend comes home on Saturday and then I can put the phone back in my glove box where it belongs. And, no, you can’t have my cell number.
If you need me, call my land line — you heard me, my land line — and don’t bother trying to send me a text on it!
And if you call me, and if I want to talk to you, I’ll pick up. Otherwise, you know what to do when you hear the beep.
— David Grace (Amazon Page — David Grace Website)
