There is an exhaustion from existing
And there is a weariness from loving
An intelligent man as dense as osmium
You’ve yet to know I find you attractive
Like a magnet drawn to polarized metal
I am helpless in the face of physics, and
The thought of being attracted to you
Has an unwanted residency in my head
Your image keeps resurfacing at the
Least opportune of moments, and by
This point in time: I’ve memorized you
Far better than your mirror ever could:
You had hair as black as the crows that
Steal shiny trinkets from my apartment
The same way you stole my fragile heart
With those intelligent eyes, that bore
Into the farthest depths of my very soul
But words would depart from your lips
And create a conversation that flowed
Like a steady stream in a hidden forest
My feelings are hidden away there too
And they grow into towering sequoias
I feel tiny and cower in their presence
I must tell you before it gets out of hand
I loved you for so long that I don’t recall
A time in my life when I did not love you
I’m finally willing to risk it on the chance
At loving you as authentically as I can
So I asked you to meet me at the corner
Where we would always come to talk
About anything, everything, and
Nothing; because who needs words
When our communication transmuted
Into touches that straddle the blurry line
That defines what constitutes intimacy?
Let me pick up an eraser and remove it.
And so I did; I whispered I love you and
My breath ghosted on your skin but you
Listened instead to my heart, beating:
A hastening staccato in fortissimo
And I willed it to follow yours: steady
As the raindrops falling on our heads
Leaning next to each other, as we found
Temporary shelter, and maybe a reason
To open up again like a forgotten book
Its pages revealing a prologue of love
Or an epilogue of ruined friendship
Or torn paper with nothing of import
You had nothing to say; and I was torn
Between getting your mouth to open
With my tongue wrapped around yours,
And cutting my body open with a knife
To split me into multiple personalities;
I wonder which of me you’d love more?
Or are you willing to fasten me together
After seeing who I actually am inside
This hollow shell that I painted for you
With splotches of blood from the past
Selves that I’ve murdered to become
Who am I am: in love with you, so please!
Tell me you love me too or leave me
And let the sound of my heart breaking
Drown out the thunder that lights up
The midnight sky the same way that you
Light up my day, like a shining beacon
Aimed towards me like a spotlight that
Blinds me, so I search for your voice
To drown out the cry of my conscience
You are both salvation and damnation
To a sinner like me who keeps relapsing
Drunk on friendship mistaken for love
If you reject me, perhaps I will sober up
I offer to you my heartfelt confession;
Will you forgive me for loving you?
