My Life

Conversations.

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

Way back when I was ten
And stilted in perspective
All looked so different then
Now older, I’m reflective.

The story is embellished
By experience and age
And each day at work and play
I turn another page.

Things are changed and rearranged.
I cannot run or skip.
And when travelling distance.
I need transport for the trip.

My mind remembers well.
The freedom of the breeze
Running leaping jumping
Swimming in rough seas.

Suppleness, strength and stamina
Muscles are as hard as steel
Seemingly elastic limbs
The pain I couldn’t feel.

Things I took for granted.
Now are tangible
Perception’s the barometer
And dreams are actual.

I walk and talk and stay within
Parameters of my ability
Careful to step the right way
And account for my fragility.

The body’s weak the mind is strong
A reversal’s taken place
My intellect and wisdom
Both now lead the race.

Thoughts filter through my mind.
A monologue of life
A conversation with myself
Truth cuts like a knife.

I’ll keep the conversation
The rhythm and the rhyme
Continuing to talk about
Each day at a time.

Conversations 2

Day by day, there’s some dismay.
Anxiety and joy
Moods are my barometer
Since I was a boy.

Lift me and let me down
Which way will I go
Each day is metamorphic
Where ere the wind may blow.

Rarely there are rainbows
Horizons serve me well
Outside till the last minute
Till I hear the bell.

Moments of mixed emotions
Classes held in cloisters
Kneeling and devotions
Hunting the rocks for oysters.

Staying down at Palm Beach
Swimming in the sea
Floating on the king-tide
Abandoned, young and free.

Fresh fountains of family
Favourite friends, uncles and aunts
Lying in the green grass
Watching growing plants.

Yearning for a holiday
Trapped at boarding school
Living by fear and discipline
And the golden rule.

Friendship on the fringes
Leaning on the fence
Watching the lazy river
Our feelings were so intense.

Maps with destinations
Planning the escape
Down at Lady Macquarie’s chair
A bold move or a mistake.

Then click-clack along the track
Leaving Central station
Bound for places, we don’t know
An exotic destination.

Wrapped in itchy duffel coats
Toggles and wooden pegs
Bleached hair from a bottle
Breakfast of ham and eggs.

Conversations 3

Wolf whistles from the rooftops
Brisbane froze in another age
Hitch-hiking in northbound semis
And turning another page.

On the boats, we’re both afloat.
Loading cargo for the islands
Not allowed to go ashore
Underwater the green silence.

Sleeping rough life is tough
High and low tides in Mackay
Feeling strong and bulletproof
Heavy tasks for big small fry.

On the road without a load
Sleeping at Cairns beach on the sand
Saltwater Crocs on patrol
We’re moved on to dryer land.

Adrenalin pumping through my veins
John, my ally and defender
Disappearing in a rig heading south
But I will not surrender.

Sweating in the northern sun
Toiling to make a quid
Trying hard to be a man
Inside I’m still a kid.

With adventure up my sleeve
I headed south for home
My mind is changed and rearranged
I’ve caught the bug to roam.

Conversations 4

Adjuncts to education
Disturbed in mid-stream
Getting up to mischief
Letting off some steam.

Getting into trouble
Driving cars too fast
Illicit altercations
Misdemeanours of the past.

Then incarcerated
Locked up with bad boys
No calm only harm
No silence, only noise.

Toughened and tormented
Sweating in a gym
Heaving weights getting strong
Muscular and slim.

Then rehabilitation
Sent to Outward Bound
Strength from a new mentor
Equalisation found.

Meaning streaming into my veins
Driving the school boat
Purpose strength and peace
And glad to be afloat.

The start of a new era
Reformed by rote and will
Off into the blue yonder
Rarely staying still.

Conversations 5

Hard training and discipline
Underlined each day
Assisting in instruction
Fun, hard work and play.

Living at Fisherman’s Point
On the Hawkesbury River
Torturous treks, long canoe trips
We aim to deliver.

To serve to strive and not to yield
Is the Outward Bound motto
Character training through adventure
Strong leaders, we follow.

Warwick Deacock is our leader.
He leads by example
Too much sometimes is not enough
Absolute may not be ample.

Instilling new resilience
Ambitions to do better
Learning the ropes and techniques
Ideally, to the letter.

Developing in confidence
Also self-control
Improving my self-image
Feeling entirely whole.

Bonding with my peers
Part of a vibrant team
Learning the effective ways
Of letting off some steam.

Conversations 6

Eager and experienced
Opportunity optimised
Sailing on the Blue Funnel line
And eternally surprised.

A long sea trip to Liverpool
The UK is my destination
Working as a deckhand
Needing no inspiration.

The sleazy streets of Singapore
Back in nineteen sixty-one
In Aden, there was hi jinx
Sailors have fun in the sun.

Then through the Suez Canal
The Mediterranean and the North Sea
On a Foggy day, we finally dock
Paid off ashore and free

Through the Mersey Tunnel
Hitchhiking down south
My destination London
Living hand to mouth.

Conversations 7

Test and try tenacity
Endurance and attitude
All parts of the quotient
Free space and latitude.

Ready for the test and trials
I’d been there before
Accents and locations
Adrift on another shore.

Rope courses and rock climbing
Canoes and kayaks too
Perfecting Eskimo rolling
Just to name a few.

Trekking in the mountains
Combating the cold
Exhibiting experience
Of all that I’ve been told.

Foot races initiative tests
Strength and fortitude
Quick thinking in danger
Application and aptitude.

Being far away from home
My family was my peers
Nature in its beauty
It is magic to my ears.

Beauty in the silvery lake
The green and rolling hills
On the go at sunrise
The energetic drills.

I felt one with myself.
My soul and energy
All inline most of the time
A perfect synergy.

Conversations 8

Tried and truly tested
I passed with flying colours
Nominated for a gold award
Different from the others.

Qualified now to instruct
Then to Aberdovey in Wales
Circumstance and experience
Whalers with red sails.

Captain Fuller, the Warden
An ex-World War 2 Navy man
He demonstrated survival methods
To lengthen man’s life span.

There I met my friend Roger Owen
And we travelled to the UK together
We bought an old Ford Popular car
More complex than a horse to tether.

We instructed at Plas y Brenin.
In Snowdonia in North Wales
Rock climbing and canoeing
And trekking up long trails.

Then up north to Scotland
Inverness and Aviemore
The Scottish school of physical education
More adventure than we’d bargained for.

Hiking in the Cairngorms
Hills and vales of purple heather
Danger on the doorstop
Quick changes in the weather.

Conversations 9

Unexpected outcomes
Rock climbing for fun
A friend fell to his death
The loss of a loved one.

Carried on a stretcher
A life was taken too soon
No more silver bullets
A pale, cold afternoon.

Working on the Hydroelectric
Close to deep Loch Ness
Despicable conditions
We toiled under duress.

Armed with meagre wages
Roger and I separated
I headed south to Ashburton
Once more liberated.

At the Devon Outward Bound
In the fierce winter, the snow blew
Rescues on the agenda
We did what we could do.

Extraordinary experiences
Scenery unparalleled
Unique and incomparable
Thoughts I’d never held.

A holiday in frozen France
A tent blew on the way
In Versailles, way down south
On a one-night stay.

Flu and separation
A boat back to Calais
Then on the road to Hampshire
And another day.

Conversations 10

I spent Christmas in Liphook
With Jan and Sheila Faustmann
And skated on a frozen lake
Just as the fun began.

I dressed as Father Christmas.
And blended like family.
Dear friends from Australia
A near shave with reality.

Then equipped and refreshed.
I set off solo for Germany
and hitched through France and Belgium.
Deep snowdrifts on my journey delayed me.

Speeding through the sleet and rain
Fast on the Autobahn
Sleeping on mouldy straw
Sheltering in a wayside barn.

Staying at the YHA
Running in the snow
Loudspeakers are yelling “Achtung.”
And words we didn’t know.

Driven fast like a blast
Of windy wintry squall
To Hanover, my frozen destination
West of the Berlin Wall.

Working as a coal shoveller
At the British Military Hospital
Toiling with a Russian
The language was incomprehensible.

Conversations 11

Dressed in an asbestos suit
Where would the damaged end
Shovelling coal from dawn till dusk
Slowly going round the bend.

Sleeping in the attic
The only place for warmth
Too tired for high spirits
Or intelligible mirth.

Only paid a pittance.
After months of work
Counting up the pfennigs
Meagre Marks at worst.

Mostly broke, the author wrote
I travelled back to the UK
Seeking ways to make money
And prolong my stay.

Working back at Ashburton
Climbing Commando rocks
Purchasing equipment
From Pandora’s box.

Convoluted emotions
Back to Europe in the spring
France, Italy and then Greece
Is this the real thing?

I didn’t know where I would go
Or what the future held
Circumstance took care of that
The way I was compelled.

Conversations 12

Time went past that wouldn’t last.
Minutes turned to day.
Times had changed. I’d rearranged
The way I earned my pay.

I trained with the experts.
And learned multiple skills.
Long hours of practice
And the repeated vital drills.

Always out of my comfort zone
Rappelling across the sea
Up and down the endless hills
Judged by a referee.

The bodies are muscular. I can’t go wrong
There’s little that I fear
Little time for recreation
A barbeque or beer.

Circumstance and happenings
Determined every day
Restricted in my attitude
And what I could say.

Soaring free up in the clouds
The world’s so far below
Is it a nightmare or a dream
Differences I don’t know.

Down to earth devoid of mirth
The road lay long ahead
A story for another day
Without fear or dread.

©

David Rudder
2021

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