Day 2: Four of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, Ten of Wands

On my second day, I shifted towards the more traditional way of selecting cards by shuffling, cutting the deck, and flipping over three cards from the top.

Four of Pentacles

Traditionally, this card represents a strong attachment to money and possessions. I like money, but I don’t chase it in an imbalanced way, so I thought about what gives me the hunched-in clutching giant feeling represented in the illustration. That feeling of wanting more and more and more.

For me, it is social capital (the admiration and approval of others) that I crave. When it’s balanced, it’s healthy and drives me, but there is always a pull to want more. There are a few ways that I can interpret why this card is showing up at this time of my life.

First, that I have to say no to a lot of invitations but I feel very torn about it. I was so lonely at times growing up that it feels dangerous to say no now that people want to be around me.

Second, I am still uncomfortable saying no even when I feel strong about my decision internally. I don’t like to make people unhappy. Recently, a casual friend accused me of being indirect in my communication, and it’s been on my mind a lot, taking a lot of energy. She seems to want more of a friendship, but I don’t like her way of pursuing it, by telling me that I’m wrong instead of accepting my answers. I care about this person, but she’s created a situation where I don’t want her in my life at all right now because she’s so pushy. I’m clear about where I want to spend my energy, but I am still giving energy to a situation because I don’t know how to handle this person.

In contrast, I called a very good friend to sing happy birthday to her, and she was happy to hear from me and mentioned that she had held back from texting or calling because she knew I was working on something important to me. I felt a deep rush of love that she understood me so well. I learned from her how someone can utterly honor your boundaries.

This card is encouraging me to focus on the people who are precious in my life instead of trying to have everyone. I can still wish everyone well, but I cannot give everyone energy.

King of Pentacles

This card resonates strongly with me. It symbolizes prosperity and authority. I am deepening into my trust of my knowledge and abilities. With that comes the ability to guide and lead others.

Partnered with the Four of Pentacles, this is a reminder of what I am reserving my energy for. My energy is for me to work towards important goals in my professional and creative life. This is a celebration of the progress I’ve made, and support to keep doing this work.

Ten of Wands

The traditional meaning of this card applies strongly as well. It is a reminder that I have taken on a great deal of work and responsibilities in order to achieve my goals. It helps to recognize that and to be kind to myself when I feel overwhelmed.

This card also offers support for the work ahead. It encourages me to stay balanced so I don’t burn out. This reminds me to look up from what’s right in front of me so that I can think about the future I am working towards.

I can reframe the work as a gift. I am so lucky to do work that I am passionate about! I am so lucky to get to write my memoir! And in order to honor these gifts, it is my responsibility to rest when I need to, so that I may continue doing the work over time.

I noticed that the Pentacles showed up yesterday as well, so I read more about this suit. It has a strong connection to Earth signs (I am a Virgo), so I got a thrill that it showed up for me. I choose to receive these cards as a sign that I am on safe, solid ground that I can grow on.