Empathy in the workplace #1: How to run better meetings

An unnecessary guide to help you fall in love with meetings again (… or not)

Published in

DBS Design

16 min readMar 5, 2019

Welcome, to the first and possibly last episode of Empathy in the workplace. I’ll attempt to write as one would speak in a podcast, so you can switch on your mobile phone’s Voice Over or TalkBack function whilst sitting in your Sukhasana pose, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly, letting go of your thoughts on how terribly unproductive your day was from back-to-back meetings that never reached a conclusion, and realignment meetings that could’ve been prevented if one had written The Minutes.

In a perfect world, meetings would be five minutes long with three people in a room collectively and deliberately assessing the most favourable actions to take based upon their experience and expertise.

In the real world, it’s an hour-long session that began 25 minutes too late, overrun by eight minutes, which, well, could have been extended further if not for the group of grumpy human beings loitering outside your meeting room in disapproval, so the meeting owner attempts to take the conversation elsewhere, but people begin to leave, and... the next thing you know you’ve been scheduled for another meeting to continue that very discussion.

What say we approach meetings the human-centred way— focusing on developing empathy towards people, their needs, and goals?

How might we design meetings to be productive and fruitful so the attendees come out feeling more motivated than annoyed? Okay, maybe motivated isn’t the right word if you’re stuck in meetings every other hour, but you get the drift.

There are many factors that contribute to a productive meeting. I want you to know, that while one could attribute the success of a meeting to the meeting owners’ individual personality traits such as charisma and extraversion, it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way. Extraverted people may function better in large group settings, but that doesn’t mean meetings can only be run by the most proactive of speakers. Think less about one’s personality for now, and more about the patterns to Make A Meeting Great Again! ... By reframing your mindset, you are in control of how you can change meetings too.

Before a meeting…

Meetings can happen on the fly (though they really shouldn’t), but whether they were set up five years in advance or a bare minute prior, most meetings have, and should have, an intention.

#1: Set a meeting objective

Before setting up a meeting, you’ll need to be clear what the intent or the objective of the session is. The intention could be to brainstorm, align or bridge gaps and discrepancies in views, review an implementation, make a decision, check on a project status, or even simply, present information. Whatever it is, an intent is necessary.

The basis of setting a meeting objective is like the reason why marathons have a finishing line—it gives you an idea of where you’d like to be by the end of the meeting.

Nobody wants to be taken on a wild-goose chase, probably not unless it’s a real wild goose (says city girl me 😆). If you can’t come up with reasons why you should have a meeting, then it’s worth questioning if there really is a need to have a meeting. Atlassian has done an awesome job in creating this chart to determine whether your meeting is really necessary.

If someone’s sending an invite that doesn’t have any clarity on what the goals or desired outcomes of the meeting are, ask for them, so everyone is aligned on the expectations of the session, and everyone can come in prepared.

A meeting could also have multiple objectives, but if you’re intending to cover more than three objectives in a one-hour session, consider breaking them into another session, and whether you really need the same bunch of people to be in it.

#2: Craft an agenda

With the objective set, you’ll need to decide on the agenda points. I use “craft” because it takes time to write a good agenda.

A good agenda is concise and to the point, not vague.
I typically like to start them with a verb such as “discuss”, “plan”, “decide”, because I see them as mini-objectives. That said, they don’t necessarily have to be that way as long as the attendees understand what each item means. Whether it’s “Introduce new hires” or “Introduction of new hires”, you set the format and use them throughout the rest of your items.

A good agenda has a name tagged to it.
Some meetings require different people to lead at various points of time. By having a name tagged to the item, you’re making sure that Jonathan is going to have something ready when you call out his name. (But please don’t be a jerk—make sure Jonathan is aware of what he needs to do and has agreed to this prior!)

A good agenda includes a time estimate.
You don’t always have to do this, but time estimates are useful when you’re running a packed schedule. It sets a clear boundary for discussion and nudges people to be more proactive in voicing out. Listing them down also gives you an idea if you’re stretching the agenda too thin, so you can decide how you’d like to reprioritise them.

A good agenda is sequenced in ways most effective to meet the objective.
How you’d like your session to flow depends on your objectives. Usually, you’d want to prioritise your agenda items based upon importance, or sometimes, in the descending order of number of people required in the meeting.

Prioritising based upon importance ensures you cover the more critical and, most of the time, heavier topics first while your attendees are still in full focus. These topics usually take up more time, so if there’s a real need to extend the discussion, you’ll be more comfortable taking out the less crucial items which are lower in priority.
Prioritising in the order of number of people required in a meeting helps when there are decisions to be made as a group, and ones to be made by individuals. It sucks to sit in a meeting you don’t feel like you can contribute to, so bring team decisions forwards, and let people leave if the later items don’t require their input.
Workshops or presentations, on the other hand, tend to be organised such that the activities “build up” because the first activity is usually a prerequisite, or, gives background to the next.

*Bonus Tip* for the more visual folks: Back when I was doing competitive dragon boating in school, we used the visualisation technique in our training plans to psych us up towards race day. This sounds a wee bit excessive, but I like to use the same technique when it comes to planning agendas, where I’d imagine how the activity will move from one item to another, and think about what success (or, in this case, a successful session) looks like.

As mentioned earlier, it takes time to craft an agenda, and by doing so, it not only puts you on the fast track to a great session, it also shows how much you value and respect people and their time. In time, they will come to appreciate it.

#3: Be clear on who you want in the meeting and ensure the key stakeholders can actually make it

Robert Sutton, a professor of organisational behaviour at Stanford University, researched on existing literature on group size and reaffirmed several studies that the most productive meetings contain only five to nine people.

With that in mind, think about who can actually add value to this meeting, or rather, whose views you’d appreciate being voiced out. Putting their names down just because they’re somewhat “part of the project” isn’t a good enough reason to request for their attendance.

Who to pick also depends on where you are in your project and what your objectives are. It’s easy to simply pick like-minded people to join your sessions, but if you’re in the early stages of your project and thinking up a new product, having a diverse group can also give you a wider perspective—they may point out things you’d never think about. If you’re in the stages of defining solutions, then you’d likely want to have subject matter experts in the room.

That said, remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you and what you need. You might want to think about how this meeting can benefit the attendees as well, so it gives them a larger purpose to set aside their precious time for your meeting.

If you don’t know them well enough, instead of shooting emails back and forth, try catching up with these people personally to build up a relationship prior to the meeting. (And if that’s really not possible, drop them a direct message via chat to introduce yourself.)

Another question you might want to ask yourself is, “Are there people who will be affected by the outcomes of the meeting?” This is important because going into a meeting and planning outcomes without considering the bigger picture usually spells r-e-w-o-r-k.

Lastly, and most obviously, the smaller the group, the easier it is to schedule meetings. If your meeting requires the attendance of some very important people, make sure they are available and can make it for the date set.

#4: Prep and send out the materials meant to support the discussion

This sounds like a lot of work, but prepping for a meeting helps reduce the last minute rush to consolidate materials, as well as the cognitive load on the meeting attendees.

If the objective is to brainstorm concepts or possible outcomes of an initiative, don’t wait till the day comes to ask them what their views are. This is something I learnt from our kickass UX researcher, Tyco Tat. Nobody loves walking into a minefield. Send them preliminary questions you’d like them to start thinking about, so they can do some reading or research, or even help dig up data before coming to the session. Better still, send out a questionnaire seeking their input, so you can capture, compile and group their answers before the meeting starts, rather than take up 15 minutes of meeting time watching them twirl Sharpies and stare at empty post-it notes in deep contemplation. Share these findings during the meeting to pique interest—everyone loves interesting findings and knowing whether someone else shares a similar or different point of view—then move on to focus on the real brainstorm.

If the objective is to review an implementation or concept, sending prototype links or presentation decks ahead of the meeting gives your attendees some time to go through and think about what feedback they’d like to give, then bring questions to the table during the actual meeting. I know, sometimes things get taken out of context if you aren’t around to personally walk them through it. So let them know that too. Give them a caveat. When meeting day comes and the ball is in your court, it’ll be fulfilling to see them strike questions off their list, for you know you’ve covered the bases before they could even ask them. And if you don’t, then they’ve just helped point out a gap you may have overlooked.

During a meeting

Phew. So we’ve finally set an objective, included an agenda, sent out the invite to a number of humans, and prior to the meeting shared some materials for consumption before entering the meeting. What’s next?

#1: Key stakeholders don’t turn up? Reschedule.

It is futile to attempt to make a decision when key stakeholders or their representatives (the decisive and accountable ones, I mean 🤪) aren’t around to make a call, or when subject matter experts aren’t there to provide their expertise on whether certain solutions can be implemented.

While it might be exasperating when you’re forced to call off a meeting with 20 people already seated in front of you getting ready to kick off the session, trust me, they’ll appreciate you doing so more than they will having to spend an hour in a room to achieve—guess what—nothing.

I’ve been in meetings with people staring at each other, waiting, no one bold enough to make any call, and it was painful to sit through. I remember mustering the courage to ask the group, “Is this meeting really still necessary if the key folks aren’t around? Everyone here has taken the effort to come but it’s not going to work out if we’re all just throwing out assumptions here.” It was nerve-wracking to do so as a junior designer then, but thankfully (I didn’t lose my job, and) we all agreed on the fact that the meeting was going nowhere, and that we’d get together again when the key stakeholders were available.

So if your key attendees decide to take a rain check on you at very the last minute, have the courage to cancel the meeting and ensure another is scheduled to close up the loop.

#2: Facilitate (or manage) the session

As a meeting owner you’ll also need to ensure the discussion meets the objectives set. (Well, as a meeting attendee you have a part to play in ensuring the objectives are met, too.) If Meeting #1 isn’t conclusive, there’s going to be Meeting #2 meant to cover Meeting #1, and the real Meeting #2 becomes Meeting #3... If that happens, you’re letting yourself get dragged into sessions you don’t need. Imagine the things you could do in that one hour if you didn’t have to attend that extra meeting.

You have the responsibility of making sure the meeting closes with a set of next steps, so be assertive. Not nasty or rude, but assertive.

Some tips:

When someone goes off-point, route them back on track, or suggest that irrelevant conversations be taken offline.

I, for one, love braised duck noodles and could go on about it forever, so if that ever comes up during a meeting, let me know I’m being disruptive! Don’t enable me by saying you know where the best places are, and telling me about your secret lunch escapades to hunt down the most tender braised duck meat. Well, at least, not during the meeting! Remind ignorant people like me that we’ve got items to clear and if we don’t, no dead duck is gonna do it for us.

When you realise someone’s starting to spiral down the rabbit hole into the abyss of verbal incoherence, ask, “What is the point you’re trying to get across?”

Not everyone is eloquent or well-put together in their thoughts. I certainly am not, for my brain is mostly filled with cotton candy. By reminding someone that they were given voice time because they seemed to have a concern to put across, you’re snapping someone out of a thought hypnosis and bringing them back to where things had begun.

It is, though, worth noting that eloquence can easily mask unclear thoughts, so look out for people who repeatedly use big buzzwords, and if what they say makes any sense at all.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), the lack of eloquence, on the other hand, can’t conceal unstructured feedback.

The saviour in all this, then, is being succinct and to-the-point. That way, we train ourselves to be articulate, not flowery. Flowery is that shrewd narcissist in the bar trying to pick you up. Flowery is the conman doing a 288-dollar organic, vegan and ethical bar soap sales pitch to an innocent grandma. Flowery is 8-year-old me telling my mom she’s got the smoothest skin and the sweetest smile because I want a Powerpuff Girl backpack. Flowery is not you in a meeting trying to get things done.

Another kickass colleague of mine does a good job at stating his key point right before moving on to explain it. When he joined the company 4 years ago, English wasn’t his most comfortable language to speak in. That forced him to be clear and simple with feedback, with little room for speculation or misunderstanding. Now, despite a great leap of improvement in his command of English, he continues to stick with this method, and has influenced many of us to do so as well.

Confirm and summarise a point by reiterating what’s been said.

Do this tactfully and only when necessary. You don’t have to repeat every statement a person says—that’s plain annoying.

Use this tactic when the conversation involves a lot of people, or a lot of concerns raised. Sometimes—and I don’t know why—people in heated debates actually have points that are, in fact, aligned. It sounds silly, but that usually happens when people don’t practice active listening and make judgements before someone else has finished talking.

As a meeting owner you’ll need to be discerning and be able to pick out key points, with the acknowledgement of the meeting attendees.

If someone is unclear about taking up a task, repeat your question in a Yes or No reply format. Ask, “Can this be done?” or “Are you able to do it?”— and if the answer is No, find out why.

There’ll be times you’d meet people unwilling to take up task responsibilities. They either disappear into the shadows, distract and divert by asking unrelated questions, or say that things can’t be done, without providing clear reasoning or alternative solutions to them. Asking them once more if something can be done compels them to make a decision and take accountability for it. If it’s a challenge to do, it’s important to ensure their reasons are clearly stated and documented.

I’ve been in meetings where we were told a feature can’t be implemented due to “technical limitations”. Upon further probing to define what exactly the technical constraints are, we found out that time, alongside the developer’s technical capability, were the issues. We eventually went on to push for more time and get additional support for the developer, overcoming that supposed “technical limitation”.

Remember that in the end, we’ll all have to answer to the bosses if the outcomes are subpar, so it’s more important than not to document the Why’s and Why Not’s, and help one another.

#3: Document what’s been said during the meeting

If you don’t want the time you spent in a meeting to go to waste, make sure you write your meeting minutes and send them out after the discussion ends.

Minutes serve as a reminder to all on the agreements and considerations made during a meeting. I envision a world where everyone can be completely aware and aligned on the outcomes and next steps of a discussion, but based on my highly clairvoyant cotton candy mind we are definitely not there yet.

Because there can be a lot going on during a meeting, I tend to either jot key points down on my notebook or type them into a text editor. Forget about tidy handwritings or formatted texts—what matters most is that you listen to what’s being said, so that you can go back on the points you’ve noted after the meeting and clean them up as you recall the exact detail of the discussion.

#4: Conclude by recapping discussion and confirming next steps

Always try to allocate the last 5–10 minutes of the session to recap what was discussed and what the next steps are. This is important because it brings everyone back together to agree on a working plan.

You can close the meeting with, “So guys, today, we talked about [insert points here]. For our next steps, [Person A] will help to get more clarity on the end-to-end journey of our customer from the product team and update us by next Monday— is that possible? [Person B] will pull out the usage patterns from Adobe Analytics and share them tomorrow; and I will get started on a competitive analysis and have them shared with you guys by next Wednesday.”

Notice that the Next Steps are phrased as actions to be taken and have a name or at least a team tagged to them, ideally, alongside a deadline.

P.S. Documenting and recapping comes in handy after the meeting, when you’re required to send out the minutes!

After the meeting

#1: Synthesise your notes and send out the meeting minutes

Work ends when the meeting ends, said no one ever. You might be done dealing with humans for now, but the job isn’t done!

Remember all the scribbles you’ve left on your notebook? Now that there’s no one else yapping into your ear, take a quick 10 minutes to look through what you’ve noted down, and type out what’s been discussed into a more structured and detailed list.

I typically structure my meeting minutes with these as key headers:

Meeting Objective
Meeting Attendees
What We’ve Discussed
Other Issues Raised
Next Steps

If you followed all the above steps, you’d have most of these information already, so the only thing you’ll need to do is to structure the last three points clearly.

With all that done, send the minutes out, and if necessary, request for your attendees to add on to the notes in case anything else was overlooked.

#2: Get feedback

Nobody’s perfect here, but if we want to get better we’ve got to keep improving. Check in with some of the attendees and find out how they thought the meeting went, what they felt went well, and what can be improved.

As a known worrywart I tend to be extremely critical about the mistakes I make and not see some of the good effort I’ve put in. Hearing the positives and negatives brings me back to the balance scale, and tells you what you should keep doing, and what to stop doing.

#3: Follow up (if necessary)

Lastly, remember those names and dates you listed in your Next Steps? Ensure that you, or the project manager, follows up with those items. These are the outcomes that we are looking to create from the session, and this is the critical part that determines how the project moves.

If no follow-ups are done and no actions are taken, all that planning and effort gone into setting up and running a meeting will go down the drain, and that’s where you, the meeting owner, will wither and dry up into a dead rose.

TL;DR

Here’s a checklist for you to refer to whenever a meeting calls:

Before the meeting

What’s the meeting objective?
What’s the agenda of the meeting?
Who are the valuable resources that can contribute to the discussion and help meet this meeting objective? How will this meeting benefit them in return? Are there people who will be affected by the outcomes of the meeting?
What materials do I need to prep beforehand?

During the meeting

Is everyone required here? Can I proceed with the discussion?
Facilitate or manage the discussion
Document what’s been discussed
Conclude by recapping and setting next steps

After the meeting

Synthesise the notes and send out the meeting minutes
Get feedback on how it could have been better
Follow up on actions required

The above is definitely not an exhaustive list of meeting tips, but hopefully one that will help you get better at setting up meetings! 👋🏻

So yes, that certainly is quite an awful lot to do just for a meeting, isn’t it? 😭 Except it really is worthwhile, because having empathy towards both yourself and others does go a long, long way. 🙌🏻 And by running a good meeting? You’ll forge bonds you never thought you would, and have work allies who will trust in you, because we all know we’re working towards something together.

And if you took me seriously with regards to the Voice Over or TalkBack thing, that’s an amazing feat that deserves a pat on the back. I can’t believe you sat through this. But you can turn it off now.

👉🏻 How do you run your meetings? What are some problems you face and how do you overcome them? Got questions or suggestions? I’d love to hear them! Leave a comment. 👈🏻