10 Thoughts on Crackers
Published in
2 min readNov 7, 2015
- A Triscuit® is not a bad cracker by any stretch of the imagination. Master spreading cheese on one without breaking it and you’re in for a very good snack sesh.
- Nut Thins® I can really get down with. Great texture. Sturdy. They snap off in my mouth—it’s love. A+ cracker in my book.
- Ritz®? I never did get the love for these compressed discs of sawdust. The shape irritates me. Plenty of other options. Oh — very great with peanut butter somehow.
- Now, Cheez-It® crackers I need to be really careful around. Don’t hand me a box thinking you’ll get it back with crackers inside. Love to luxuriate in the crumbs in mah bed.
- Chicken In a Biskit® is crime.
- Cheese Nips®, my theory goes, were made as backups for when I eat all the Cheez-It® crackers on earth. No one remembers a second place cracker.
- Nabisco® New England Oyster Crackers should feel free to jump in my soup anytime, in that little cute packet looking like they wanna fuck. Crushed or whole, I don’t discriminate.
- Original Club Crackers® should be our money.
- Wheat Thins® are a top-notch superb cracker, rightly celebrated for its versatility. Don’t need the flavors, thank you, just hit me with the original classic, unadorned by whatever food item you’re pushing.
- Premium® saltines have their uses. I will, on occasion, fill my mouth with them until I can no longer move my jaw. I call this “the cracker procedure.”
