Dear New York Restaurants: Your Tables are Too Small
I think about tables for two a lot. I write about them sometimes. And lately, I’ve noticed that they’ve gotten too small.
This isn’t a new problem, by any means, but it’s gotten really out of hand. I know that real estate is crazy these days, and the rents are too damn high, but my elbows are resting on my neighbor’s elbows. Every time I get up to go the the bathroom, my butt brushes some stranger’s cheek.
Small tables also mean we can all hear each other’s conversations. The only way not to hear someone else’s conversation while trying to have your own conversation is to TALK LOUDER, which sets off a positive feedback loop of yelling. Welcome to New York! Don’t get me started on the music!
One of the places I reviewed recently had tables so tiny they only accommodated two place settings, two water glasses, two wine glasses, and a votive candle. In order to make room for the cocktails that my guest and I brought over from the bar, our waiter had to take away our wine glasses. Once he filled our water glasses, he set the bottle down in the sec0nd-to-last set of open Cartesian coordinates. When our first appetizer arrived, the three of us had to play table Tetris to get everything to fit.
The obvious advantage of a tiny table is the ability to increase the number of “covers” in order to maximize turnover and make more money. Another way of increasing turnover would be to have tables that can accommodate more than one entrée at a time, plus share plates (a topic for another post).
I realize that all the tiny-table restaurants aren’t going to scrap all their dollhouse furniture, so it’s up to the next generation of New York restaurateurs: don’t fuck this up. In the meantime, fellow diners: I’m so sorry about my butt.
