Make Your Dumb Bed

This is not a nice place for you to sleep when you come home at night. It looks like a shooting gallery. God, I love nothing more than to collapse into bed only to find a monster ball of linens I have to fight with all my limbs to figure out which end is what and get them to cover my limp body, don’t you?

How to Bed

  1. Wash your sheets, at least twice a month, please lord, let your sheets meet water and soap at least every couple of weeks. Your sheets are home to germs, pollen, dirt, E. coli, mildew, bacteria, fungus, and dust mites, eventually. Plus pet dander and hair, if your have those things.

2. Put them on your bed.

3. Notice how good they smell as you fall asleep.

4. Get up.

5. Cover one sheet with the other sheet, cover the other sheet with whatever goes over the other sheet.

Congrats you are grown