Satire, Politics
Trump Suspending His 2024 Presidential Campaign
The announcement comes after the ex-president reads the Bible
A Bible can be a dangerous thing to have in a home. This controversial wisdom was proven valid, at least in the case of indicted ex-presidents seeking to return to power, when news leaked on Friday that Donald Trump was considering suspending his presidential campaign. A formal announcement was made late Sunday.
On March 26, Donald Trump announced that he was selling Bibles for $59.99. At first, the announcement was assumed to be political satire, but it was not. Sales were tepid. Trump blamed the lack of sales on RINOs and Communists in a tweet on his social media platform. But then Trump watched the cold open of Saturday Night Live. In it, Trump was ridiculed. The implication was that although he identified the Bible as his favorite book and said he had “many” scattered in his various homes, he had never read it.
Trump resolved to address the problem and opened a copy of the God Bless the USA Bible to Exodus 19–25. In the passage, Moses receives the Ten Commandments. “I thought there were ten,” Trump noted in a tweet, “I thought an eye for an eye” was in there. It should be.”
