You have been so patient, so kind, so in need. You sit on the side of my desk and wait, and don’t think that I haven’t seen you, as you are most impossible to miss, your bright white surface contrasting heavily against the dark artificial wood laminate. I see you…

I realize that my lack of attention speaks louder than the words I mutter to my boss about you, and for this I apologize. I tell him we have a healthy relationship and will be spending time together soon, but I don’t look him in the eyes as I speak about you. I fear he will see through my good intentions and see our relationship for what it is, non-existent.

Our friendship could have been great if it weren’t for my lack of discipline. Reports on my desk that I am currently ignoring, it’s not you, it’s me. I can only hope and pray that I have not damaged your self confidence, you have lots of potential and I failed to deliver you to a world awaiting your arrival with open arms.

Okay, so I admit I went a little over the line when I looked down at you and in a thick Cuban accent said, “You no look at me that way, shut you mouth, I throw away you!” You did not deserve the harsh words, or my bad Cuban accent—both were completely out of line. Although I accept blame for what has happened, you haven’t done much to better our relationship either.

Would it have killed you to be shorter, or less complicated? Must you be the longest and most convoluted?

Maybe if you had compromised, I would have also.

I am sorry you have to read this, but I just had to get it off my chest. I realize that this will be dagger in the heart of something that could have been beautiful, should have been beautiful. I will continue to speak of our time together to those who don’t know the truth. I will continue to boast about your potential, even though we both know potential means little at this point. I will not ball you up like your peers of the past and pretend for one glorious moment that I am Ralph Sampson, sky hooking you through the air and into your eventual home. I will lay you to rest unharmed, untouched, unless you act first.

Oh reports on my desk that I am currently ignoring, I am selfish and you paid the price. You lay still under far less important, but more interesting reports, never once allowing your pride to interfere with my schedule. Except for that one time I saw you inch towards the edge in an attempt to jump. I realize this wasn’t the real thing, but more of a call-for-help suicide attempt. I answered your call then, I will no longer. Do what you must.

Forever indebted, forever ashamed…