How can I tell if a woman is pregnant?

Photo by Joshua Coleman on Unsplash

Dear Dale:

Women are so fat these days. How can I tell if they’re knocked up?

Signed,

Confused

Dear Confused:

I know what you mean. It used to be easy. Big ones were pregnant. Thin ones weren’t. But that all changed once women discovered buffets.

At first it was just the salad bar. But then they branched out. Way out. Now most of them are so fat it’s a wonder they can walk.

But there is a way. Place your hand on her belly and squeeze it like an avocado. If there’s a bounce, it’s a baby. If not, it’s fat.

Just don’t touch the tit. It’s an honest mistake. Especially these days. Hard to tell where breast ends and belly begins.

But if you do, just say sorry and explain that you couldn’t tell the difference because she’s so fat. That should do the trick. Hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Dale

Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale