How often should I clean?
Dear Dale:
My girlfriend wants me to clean my apartment but I just did it a month ago. What’s that about?
Signed,
Not that dirty
Dear NTD:
It’s called housework. Also known as cleaning. Women think it’s important. We men know better. Oh sure, if you can’t find your bed beneath the pizza boxes, maybe it’s time to throw a few out. Otherwise, don’t worry about it.
Unfortunately, women don’t see it that way. To them, cleaning is a daily activity, like catching the sports highlights or looking at porn.
Dishes, for example. They think you should do them after every meal. Instead of letting them build up for weeks on end, then throw them all out and buy new ones. Which is why the wise bachelor only uses paper plates.
As for why they’re obsessed with cleanliness… it’s about creating a sterile space for the little birdies to come so they don’t die from some nasty germ.
Infant mortality, they call it. For some reason, babies are really weak. You wouldn’t know it from listening to them. Their lungs certainly seem fine. They can cry forever. Or until they get what they want. Which is the point.
But there is a solution: get rid of your stuff. As much as you can anyway. The less you have, the less you have to clean. And then buy a leaf blower. Open the window and blow all your dust onto your neighbors’ lawn. They won’t like it much but your girlfriend sure will. And that’s the main thing. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
