Why is my girlfriend being nice to me?
Dear Dale:
My girlfriend keeps doing nice things for me. Why is that and how can I get her to stop?
Signed,
Killed by kindness
Dear KBK:
This is the oldest trick in the book: women think that, by being nice to us, it will soften us up. And so they smile, give us food and sex and compliment us on our beer cap collection. All the while hoping we will return the favor.
Don’t fall for it. Because if you succumb to the kindness cult, you’ll soon be overwhelmed by celebrations: birthdays, baptisms and baby showers.
None of which interest you in the least.
And even the holidays you do enjoy — Thanksgiving, Halloween and National Biker Day — will be perverted beyond recognition, disappearing as special days of drunkenness and morphing into romantic anniversaries.
How long you’ve been together. What you’ve done together. What you will do together. Always together. Never alone or with anyone you like.
That and family. Your family. Her family. And, someday, our family. The very people you least want to spend time with.
So refuse her acts of kindness. Be rude if you have to. She’ll be surprised, even angry, but it’ll save you endless hours wandering about the mall in search of the perfect present. And that’s the main thing. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
