Does Bud Light make you gay?
Dear Dale:
I’m a Bud man Bud Light actually because to me Bud has always been about sports bbqs and good times with the guys but then they started selling it to gays and chicks who used to be dudes and that was a big turnoff. Most of my friends don’t drink it anymore and I don’t either at parties anyway but I still enjoy a cold one at home by myself sometimes. Does that make me gay? I’ve heard about that guys that don’t know they’re gay and I’m worried one day I’ll suddenly put on the wife’s bra and panties and go down to the gas station and suck cock like my congressman. I know I should switch drink something more manly like Coors but I like the taste. What should I do?
Signed,
Closet Bud Light drinker
Dear CBLD:
Don’t worry about it. So long as it’s beer, you’re fine. Now if you start drinking white wine that’s another story but until then you’re okay.
But even then, it’s not the wine’s fault. It’s the fact that you want to drink it that’s the problem.
Or so society says. But the truth is, there is no right or wrong when it comes to alcohol. So long as it gets you drunk, it’s good.
(I’m even willing to accept people who drink wine coolers.)
And, just as any fruit or vegetable can be turned into alcohol — beer, wine, whiskey, tequila, vodka, rum or gin — so also can sexuality be distilled: gay, straight, lesbian, bi or trans… it’s all just different flavors of the same spirit.
So don’t worry about it. Drink as much Bud Light as you want. And if you get the urge to prance around the room in your wife’s bra and panties… go for it.
Just don’t blame the beer. You’ll be glad you didn’t. Because, to quote my bartender, who, considering his job, has surprisingly little patience for drunks: the fault, dear Dale, is not in the beer, but in yourself. Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dale
Hi. If you’ve made it this far, you probably liked the story. So why not check out some others at my Medium page? https://medium.com/dear-dale
